Today we’d like to introduce you to Colette Milazzo.
Colette, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
A straight-A student, schooling always came easy for me. A secret nerd, I enjoyed being top of the class. However, I was lacking in the friend department. You see, I wasn’t the popular girl who had a lot of female friends growing up.
In elementary, I was bullied for having poor vision – I’m grateful for the surgeries that corrected most of the aesthetics that would otherwise draw attention to that now. I was later bullied for being chubby during puberty. Then, when I started getting attention from the boys because I blossomed sooner than other girls, the girls seemed to either compete with me or pull away from me.
In high school, I was bullied by the girls because the boys they liked – liked me, something I had no control over. One girl in particular was so angry she tried to physically fight me in the quad! I still recall sitting with the boys every day during lunch, simply because they created space for me to belong.
Not having a close relationship with my mother and because of the pattern of being rejected by other girls, I didn’t feel like I could get close to other women.
I am the most trustworthy woman I know when it comes to protecting women’s (and men’s) hearts and honoring their relationships, but because I’ve been seen as the “pretty girl,” I’ve been often viewed by women as a threat. For the longest time, I wanted nothing to do with them. In fact, when I began my work I focused solely on intimacy and relationship healing with men.
Everything changed when I came to realize that being ashamed of myself and of my past was holding me back from fully becoming who I really was. When I finally stopped running from my past, in essence running from myself, I realized that SO many women feel the same way I did – insecure, ashamed and afraid. I knew deep down that they longed to feel confident and beautiful, not because of how they looked or what they accomplished, but because of who they are!
All my life, I have wanted to teach people about the deep truths, truths about how their internal world works and how it affects their external world, especially their ability to receive and to give love. I have always had a natural intuition about people and their hearts. It is easy for me to see into them, so to speak, into who they really are and what is keeping them from seeing themselves clearly and from having the desires of their heart.
When I finally accepted all of myself, it unleashed compassion in me for women that I never thought possible. When I embraced all of me, all at once, I saw myself and other women in a whole new light.
I am the perfect woman to share with others the secrets of moving from insecurity to confidence – an unshakeable security in who you are, which affects every area of one’s life.
I now teach women (and men) that true confidence is an inside job. That if our confidence is because of anything outside of ourselves – something we have accomplished or proven, something we could lose, yes, even our intellect, our appearance, our connections, affiliations, position or possessions – if our confidence is because of anything other than who we are, then it is NOT true confidence, for then we must always have that thing going for us or we will be back at insecurity.
Although I am passionate about many things, including neuroscience, quantum physics, spirituality/God, relationships, specifically the relationship to self, love, intimacy, removing internal obstacles (limiting beliefs), etc., I have very recently felt led to narrow the my focus of my work even more to address an area I feel is foundational in our humanity and our divinity.
I have bridged the topics of sexuality and identity. And I’m beginning a sexual revolution.
There is so much I could say about this topic, but I will try to give a brief overview.
Men and women have not had optimal teaching on how their sexuality and identity are connected, and most men and women operate their being through their sexuality without understanding the subconscious thought patterns that govern the way they show up sexually.
To clarify, I am not talking about sexual orientation. This is about something so much deeper in the soul of the human heart.
Men have been told that their sex drive will run their life and take up most of their thoughts. Men have been labeled as objectifiers of women. Men have been classified according to statistics as being the sexual aggressor and predominate violator. Of course, there is more to this…as that is not their whole story.
Women have been conditioned to believe it is their role to please a man sexually and have gotten much of their sense of (or lack of) value in this way. Women have been taught that men are sexual predators or at the least, sex is what they really want from women. Women have been told that to overcome all this, they must move through life asexually, focusing on intellect, achievement and attaining to mutual respect, or other half truths…There is so much more to their story.
I believe that at the core of all sexual deviation, dysfunction and oppression in BOTH sexes is a lack of identity, of confidence in who they are, knowing they are enough as they are.
Both genders seek something from their sexual experiences that gratifies deeper than the mere physical. Sex is undeniably tied to the soul, even and especially when the person tries to separate them. And I believe this is the common sexual expression: dissociated humans having a physical encounter.
To simplify this idea, I will give a brief example:
A man engaging in sex wonders if he is pleasing his partner, not merely for the other’s pleasure, but to know that he is enough of a man sexually. And likewise a woman seeking to please her partner to be seen as sexually desirable and “good enough.”
(I can hear the song lyrics, “I want you to want me…I need you to need me…”)
There is a distinction between trying to please someone (this comes from the possibility and belief that we could somehow not be pleasing, which would mean that we were not enough) and knowing you are well pleasing not merely in sexual performance, but in who you are entirely.
If men and women had confidence, real confidence in who they were, they would not take the question “Am I enough?” to everyone and everything around them. And I firmly believe this would cause the greatest sexual awakening and healing the world has ever seen. The tragedies around the world involving sexuality would be radically undermined by this deep soul shift.
When humans are disconnected from who they are, they can do the unthinkable to others. Reconnecting them to their heart, the bedrock of who they are, has an instant and dramatic effect on how they see those around them and the value they hold for others.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Absolutely not! But I’ve learned the secret to the smoother road.
Honestly, the majority of my struggles were internal. Fears, insecurities, doubts, feeling not good enough, not qualified…
I mentioned earlier that I am secretly a nerd. I love to learn and have gone to school for a variety of things, always the top in my school or class, but never finishing more than an AA. I got bored with each program. I KNEW I could do anything, be anything. I didn’t doubt that I would make it as a doctor, lawyer, scientist, etc. But I doubted that I would be satisfied when I got there. Something in me knew I would end up quitting.
What I really wanted to do I didn’t think I was good enough for. I knew I was good, but I had this fear that others wouldn’t agree. I’ve always had a passion for writing and teaching about matters of the heart/soul, spiritual and relational part of who we are as divine humans. I especially want others to know how deeply loved and completely worthy they are, just as they are.
So, I finally decided to pursue school one more time, this time for Psychology. I figured it was the best program to get me the credibility I needed to be accepted as a teacher of the humans. Until I started. It was so boring! I hated it. I already knew too much. I already knew deeper truths than I was being taught.
A thought came to me, “Why are you going to school when you already know what you want to teach others?” I answered back, “So, they will take me seriously and believe that I have the knowledge I already have.”
At that moment I understood. It wasn’t that they wouldn’t believe me, because the heart knows the truth when it strikes. It was that I still doubted myself. I knew that the moment I chose to believe in myself and to see myself as worthy of teaching, I would be. I was one thought away from enough.
But that still didn’t convince me to drop out, again (the shame!). I saw a woman’s testimony of her journey to becoming a self-made millionaire. She had dropped out of four different college programs, only having completed an AA, before she followed her heart and became the success she is today. That was the encouragement I needed. I thought, “She’s just like me! A 4-time college drop out, unsatisfied with any path other than the one she blazes for herself.”
Things were going fairly well after that as I learned to continue to face my fears, big and small, and defy them one by one.
Until more recently…
When I stepped into the role I am in now with my first publicly displayed post on the material I have chosen as my life’s work, the connection between identity and sexuality, I was aggressively attacked by a few women. (I received so many other positive, grateful messages – publicly and privately.)
The negative response was a total surprise since what I was teaching on was liberating women from insecurity and bondage to an unfulfilling sexual experience. But, what I realized at that moment was how deep the deception went.
These women had so bought into the beliefs they held that offered them a false sense of security that they didn’t want their house of cards to fall. You see, when we build a house around us we feel covered and protected, so the removal of that house leaves us feeling exposed. No one wants to feel the sudden vulnerability of exposure, and this can cause people to lash out in fear.
Their accusations were that I was keeping women in their insecurity and pursuit of validation from men through their sexuality. They based this solely off the image I used for my post. I specifically chose an image to portray the concept of sexuality rooted in genuine confidence, not in the pursuit of it. But, when women are still struggling personally with insecurity (I know because I spent the majority of my life in that hell), they will be triggered by the “pretty girl.” Somehow she reminds them of the belief they hold about themselves – that they are not enough.
Confidence and beauty are a woman’s birthright because she is a woman.
Beauty is so much more than skin deep. Even a physically beautiful woman will live a very ugly life if she feels unworthy inside.
It was not easy for me to experience the accusations, but it made me see how even more necessary my work and my teaching are for both women and men. And so I will continue to preach and teach and write and speak this message loud and clear.
My advice to other women beginning their journey into their creative expression is: Do it!
Do it and do it will all your heart! Face any fear that comes up. Decide you are worthy because you are! Love yourself well and forgive those who don’t. Compassion is the best lens to view those who don’t understand you. And determination and tenacity are the spirits that will see you through. You can and you will.
Don’t give up when you don’t see immediate results. You are creating the results and the life you desire when you dream within your heart. Remind yourself that it is working and believe it! Every day take a moment to feel the feelings of living in your dream expression and your dream life. Know that the power to accomplish all you desire is already within you. You are more than enough! We need what you have to share.
Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about Colette Milazzo – what should we know?
I specialize in Identity and Confidence, Sexuality and Intimacy, Spirituality/God and Living Free.
I currently offer a limited schedule for private consulting so that I can pursue my passion to teach through writing and speaking. I am in the process of finishing a book for men on identity and how it affects their ability to attract the woman they desire, and another for women on confidence.
I am also developing e-courses and other materials to help men and women master their internal world, learn to recognize what holds them back from what they want and how to overcome these internal limitations in order to live confident, free and fulfilling lives. Some of my teachings are available at no cost on public platforms such as Facebook and my blog, AlwaysColette.com
I am most proud of how I show up in the world. I am bold, brave, confident and free in my expression of truth. I am loving and create a safe space for men and women to explore their hearts. I am not afraid, to tell the truth, even when it offends others. I seek to protect the freedom of men and women to live life from their hearts, following their passions.
What sets me apart is the way that I see sexuality and the sexual expression.
I have found as I walk this road, that many of the beliefs that have been erected around this topic were created as a reaction to something someone feared. I take a look at the root issues and don’t shy away from the taboo topics. I’m not afraid to go there even when it comes to addressing matters such as how religion has played a major role in the oppression of true sexual expression and how it has tried to put a ‘bushel basket’ over its beauty and its light. I am after the truth that sets people free, and that is what you will get from me.
Where others seek to build external fortresses of “protection,” which limits the individual’s full expression, or where they take a defensive stance, I seek to remind men and women of the unshakable fortress within, the inexhaustible source of true confidence – their own identity – the way they view themselves and what they believe and decide about themselves. All of which affect how life gets to work for them.
We’re interested to hear your thoughts on female leadership – in particular, what do you feel are the biggest barriers or obstacles
THE biggest barrier to female leadership is how women view themselves, what they believe about themselves and how they show up in the world because of those beliefs.
If women believe it is hard to break into or make waves in their industry, then it will be.
If women believe that others don’t value their voice because they are a woman, then that will be their perceived experience.
If women believe that they must fight to get ahead, then they will move forward perceiving and experiencing resistance.
If women believe they are not valued for who they are, but for their “looks,” then again, that will be their perceived experience.
We know scientifically that our brain picks up things in the environment according to what we believe subconsciously. As the saying goes, “We see not with our eyes, but through our eyes.” And another says, “We see things not as they are, but as we are.”
When women start believing that their work and their expression are making a difference, are sought after and desired by others, then they will see more of that.
When women believe that others have value for them beyond their “looks,” they will perceive and experience more of that.
When women believe that they don’t have to fight their way through because the way parts for them, it will.
When women believe their voice (heard through whichever way they are inspired to share) matters, it will.
And when women finally believe they are enough – THEY WILL BE.
- Website: www.colettemilazzo.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/iam.colette
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colettemilazzosmith https://www.facebook.com/iam.colettemilazzo
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/ColetteMilazzo
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