Today we’d like to introduce you to Anthony Parham.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Anthony. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
I come from Los Angeles California and I’m one of three boys. Growing up, we were in gang influenced areas that had little to no support for People of Color. To give you a little bit of a picture, I remember when they banned certain clothing apparel because it could be interpreted as being affiliated with any of the gangs. We couldn’t wear things like British Knights tennis shoes because the abbreviation, “BK”, stood for “blood killer” or shirts with Calvin Klein, “CK”, stood for “crip killer”.
Mom & Pop shops that were owned by People of Color were being closed down left and right for big box supermarkets like Lucky’s and K-Mart. The community was in poverty, it felt like everyone was always living in a state of fear and anxiety-but we all had each other.
Coming up was tough, and as a young African American male, I was always on the defense about something. I was angry at my father for what he had done to us and how he treated us. I felt trapped and pinned down by power, privilege, and oppression. I got into a lot of trouble as a teen. My oldest brother lived in Virginia and my middle brother left for the military when I was in 8th grade so I didn’t have them for guidance or support in the way some siblings do in their upbringing. I did what I felt I had to do to make money (you can use your imagination) and still worked at the target during the evenings and weekends. I engaged in behaviors and activities back then that I now teach my sons and clients are unnecessary. A huge part of me was looking or something more. A deeper seeded family presence, someone who could empathize with the feelings and thoughts I had. I couldn’t have spoken to it at that time, but as I have reflected over the years, I realized I was in chronic pain, psychologically, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
I went to Centennial High School and was active in sports. I played football and track, which introduced me to some incredible humans that I still call my family to this day. Dominic was one of those incredible humans; his spirit still positively influences me 15 years after his death. Dominic’s story is for a different day… It deserves its own time.
When I was a Junior, I had a coach who knew a little about my home life approach me in the quad after school, Mr. Reister. He said, “Hey Parham, buddy! You know, I hear you talking to a lot of people. You’re a good listener. If you want to learn how to understand people, you should take my Psychology class.” Considering my grades were not too good at the time, I roared in laughter and told him I needed an easy A and brushed him off. Later that night, I was talking to my mom and brought up what Mr. Reister said, laughing while I told her. My mom slapped the back of my head and said, “You’re going to take that class, Anthony. Remember son, plan A is your academics. Plan B is football.” Needless to say, I took the class.
This psychology class unlocked Pandora’s Box in my brain; and for the first time, I truly realized that I did not have to be a statistic, even if the world said that I did. I began understanding things that I never thought I would. I was asking all kinds of questions about everything; why my father was the way he was, why my mom stayed, what was it like for my brothers before I was born (and before I could remember), why did the members of that gang choose Dominic, why are our communities are the way they are, why isn’t anyone helping us… There were so many questions. That was my first awakening. My narrative changed from “I am incapable of…” To “I can learn to”. This was powerful…
Because of my family, my friends who supported me like family (the incredible humans I spoke about earlier), and the influence of Mr. Reister and his teachings of Psychology, I was able to pull my mind together. I learned how to acquire the knowledge I needed to bring upgrades, as well as how to apply different learned pieces of knowledge to obtain wisdom. Fast forward to graduation, where I was offered multiple academic scholarships and sports scholarships. I ended up taking a football scholarship in Colorado before coming back to Sacramento, California to obtain my B.A. in Psychology with double Minors in Counseling and Child Development.
About a year before graduation, I began playing Minor-League Football in Northern California. At the same time, I started to work for an agency that provided therapeutic support for youths influenced by Autism. A few years later, the agency was looking to make me a supervisor and asked me to move back home to Southern California to help support the opening of a new clinic in San Diego. I started my Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy six months before moving and completed it soon after coming down here. I have continued to support the community ever since.
Has it been a smooth road?
The paths I have been navigating have not been smooth, neither did I expect them to be. You have to imagine that being a Person of Color in America is not an easy task. The unwoke will say stop blaming your circumstances. Circumstances are so much deeper seeded in a person’s phenomenology than most realize. Either way, respectfully, for those individuals who hold that view to the contrary, we can agree to disagree. 🙂
I have experienced spiritual/physical/psychological/emotional abuse. I have been discriminated against because of the color of my skin and gender by teachers, colleagues, peers, friends, supervisors, supervisees, and so on. I have had to check my language, image, tone, posture, thoughts, and feelings each day I wake up so that I do not offend the majority’s power and privilege. I have been shamed, blamed, betrayed, lied to, outright attacked, covertly aggressed, been made to feel less than, humiliated, taken advantage of, called out my name, misunderstood, and devalued… This list of experiences is not exhaustive… And is typical to the Black/African-American experience, and no stranger to the experience of Other People of Color.
No part of this journey has been smooth. However, my story continues. Through the turmoil, I have built a strong resolve, great resiliency, and new insights about my world. I have rewritten new personal narratives that reflect new truths and understandings, as well as built healthier coping skills to deal with past, present, and future challenges. I have an incredible support system that continues to grow in how effective with their wisdom is with me and more efficient in knowing what I need at the moment (or reflectively). This journey has allowed me to truly experience gratitude for all that I am and all that God has blessed me with.
Please tell us about your organization.
I am a bilingual (Spanish/English) Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) who collaborates with Youth & Families in San Diego. The bulk of my experience is working in non-profits and Community Mental Health Organizations. I also have experience as writing grants for underserved youths/families and county contracts. Narrative Therapy, EMDR, and NLP are my theoretical foundations. Besides, I utilize a variety of other interventions as clinically indicated. I specialize in working with Children, Teens, & Families of Color, however, I continue to work with anyone who seeks support. I have been a volunteer Bereavement Counselor for Children & Teens for 5 years and supported grief camps for these youths for 6. Concurrently, I Direct Foster Care in a non-profit in San Diego County and run my private practice, Circle of Life Therapies.
I am the founder of Circle of Life Therapies (CLT), which connects with disenfranchised and marginalized Youths and Families of Color who cannot sustainably afford therapeutic support. You have heard part of my story and upbringing. The community resources that were provided were not obtainable at an equitable level for People of Color. My goal is to provide a safe environment where People of Color can be experience safe vulnerability, have opportunities for whole-being growth, instill/enhance the value of finding and maintaining strong community bonds, provide creative and healing outlets for Families of Color, advocate alongside for their needs, and work towards empowering themselves, and each other. Using traditional and non-traditional methods of human healing (i.e., reiki, yoga, psychotherapy, story telling, exercise, experiential therapies, etc.), Circle of Life Therapies helps to support people to live and thrive, as opposed to only surviving and continuing the generational story of pain and oppression.
I think I am most proud of the Circle of Life Therapies’ potential of being heavily on the side of providing solutions and limiting the contribution to the side of the problem. The stories we tell are plagued with problems. However, through Circle of Life Therapies, I hope to support people rewrite their stories to honor their traumas and also honor the strengths/resiliency in their journeys. It helps that I can relate, empathize, and/or hold space for People of Color (and others) due to me being part of the Culture of Color myself. This sets me apart from other individuals and organizations within the field. Many People of Color have a hard time relating to those who are not part of the Culture of Color. There is no trust in the systems and, at times, these therapists have challenging times providing the culturally appropriate and relevant resources that People of Color are searching for. This is not the therapist’s fault, however, it should still be acknowledged as a primary indicator of what sets Circle of Life Therapies apart from other agencies and providers.
Let’s touch on your thoughts about our city – what do you like the most and least?
People will always need help. Unfortunately, trauma is not going anywhere soon. Just as we have seen trends in mindfulness and meditation over the past five to ten years, I think we will see a similar trend in non-western forms of healing in the next decade. People are becoming woke to the understanding that there are multiple forms of therapy necessary for whole body/mind/spirit healing. I want to continue in my exploration of these healing processes to further connect the Circle of Life Therapies to new resources for families.
Contact Info:
- Address: Circle of Life Therapies
2851 Camino Del Rio South, #300.
San Diego, CA 92108 - Website: https://anthonylmft.wixsite.com/mysite
- Phone: 6195006055
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/circleoflifetherapies/
- Other: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anthony-parham-lmft-49391298
Image Credit:
These are all mine
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