Today we’d like to introduce you to Kirsten Trammell.
Hi Kirsten, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I am competitive. I was once so competitive, some may say, it was a problem. Whether it was being the perfect daughter, creating the best business, or getting the closest parking spot, losing simply wasn’t an option. In reality, it wasn’t so much winning that mattered; it was more making sure I didn’t lose. This competitive nature lived within me from childhood. To contain this fire, my parents enrolled me in the one place where it was socially acceptable to beat people and be a savage: sports. I wasn’t a superstar, but consistent paid off, and I made my way onto a D1 College Swimming and Diving team in California with a full ride.
It was here where I lived out 5 fantastic years competing. We won our conference title; I set multiple school records, was on ESPN and ended my career competing at the U.S. Olympic Trials.
All my dreams came true…except one. I never found someone to share the glory with.
I wasn’t able to be in a stable, healthy relationship. I wanted a connection where I felt safe and loved. I wanted to have magical orgasmic experiences and connect with a man deeply during sex. I wanted that classic dating-your-best-friend relationship. I wanted to be someone’s MVP and cheerleader. And for them to be the same for me.
The truth was, I didn’t know how to ask for what felt good; I didn’t know how to connect with men romantically. I was awkward and shy around men. I had limiting beliefs in myself or confidence in who I was. I fumbled through nearly a decade of dating, sex, and relationships living this way.
After one too many ruined connections, I knew something had to change. There is always a choice to change.
I became my first client.
If I wanted to figure this relationship thing out, I decided to look at it like training for a sport.
I realized if I didn’t overcome this if I didn’t change, I would spend my entire life missing out on love, great sex, and the partnership my heart and soul truly desired.
I set out on a mission to become more passionate, a better communicator, more confident, and able to surrender into the arms of a man. I stepped more into my feminine essence and softened into the beauty of life (happily putting some of my competitive nature on a permanent vacation).
I started studying, learning, and exploring as much as I could about sex, dating, and relationships. I took an 18-month Tantric love, relationship, and sexuality program, attended Tantric workshops in the jungle, and did daily sensual practices. I enrolled in grad school to study sexuality, relationships, and psychology to become a licensed sex therapist. Now, I’ve created a pathway that incorporates this science-backed research with emotional and embodied practices to create positive change.
This work started with me but has led me to my clients. During this time, I noticed that all the content out there online and in the media talked about how “masculinity is toxic,” “men can’t commit,” or that “all men want is to get laid.”…While at times sexual satisfaction is top of mind, I found through conversations with men this isn’t the end all be all.
Men deserve to feel confident and clear in their sex lives and connections.
I will never forget when I talked with a male friend. He was grappling with something, but I didn’t know what. He lingered in the kitchen longer than usual and finally said, “Can I ask your advice on something?” I sat and listened in silence. He began to reveal the unfoldings of his relationship, the way he felt used for his money and support…receiving nothing in return, how she would hold sex over his head (like a bargaining chip for when he behaved), and on top of that, he shared the nasty things his partner would say or yell at him. I could see clearly what this woman was doing to him and, likely, why she was acting this way. It felt clear to me, but for him…it was confusing and painful. I asked questions to help him work through how he felt and what was happening, and I shared what insight I could without overstepping.
He thanked me and left. A few weeks later, he ended things with her for good. In this moment, I realized I wanted to do more of this.
The truth is…we live in a world where being the fullness of a man is perceived as “too much” or “overpowering,” where men’s sexuality is viewed as simple, and where long-term commitment remains a struggle. It’s time to change that.
I don’t want people to feel guilty for what they want, I don’t want anyone to be in a relationship where they are giving and not receiving anything in return. I don’t want someone to be stuck in the state of knowing what they want and not knowing how to get there.
After helping my friend, it hit me…while I wasn’t happy with the culture of sex and dating, men weren’t happy either. So I started exploring this more and more with men. I went on a research rampage, having conversations with men about sex and connections…what frustrates you, what you want more of, what you secretly desire. And it was SO far from what media and society are pushing today, and even what we are telling our friends.
Sometimes what we desire most, we are too afraid to even admit to ourselves.
In this exploration, I started a podcast, The Naked Connection, that now supports driven men to reach sexual mastery and build deeper connections. My goal is for my community to have peace of mind and freedom.
If that means finding an amazing person to share your life with or entering a connection with mystical sexual experiences, we’ll go there. If it means learning how to feel more confident in yourself or ending a relationship and enjoying time on your own, let’s get some!
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
There are a lot of stigmas about sex. And a great deal of shame. We all come from various backgrounds, cultures, and belief systems that really impact how we view this piece of life. Sex isn’t something most people are comfortable talking about, yet there is often a part of us craving for conversations and access to information to improve this part of life. Overcoming this hurdle has been one of my favorite moments of change. Starting a conversation with a client, a brand or a stranger that begins with discomfort and moves into flow is incredibly powerful.
From a business perspective, working in the online space can be challenging to navigate as using words like “sex” or “orgasm” gets content flagged and banned, even if it is coming from an educational perspective. Finding ways to work around this has been, and continues to be, a constant challenge. My desire is to share supportive and healthy information with my community, and I don’t plan on stopping despite this hurdle.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I host the podcast The Naked Connection, a show for driven men looking to reach sexual mastery and build deeper connections. I also work one-on-one with clients. I’ve designed a program that supports men to unlock their full sexual potential, remove blocks surrounding intimacy, and build confidence in and out of the bedroom.
The podcast is ranked in the top 40 in Sexuality and has grown quickly in its rookie year. And while I love seeing the numbers and rankings, I am most proud of the messages I’ve received from listeners sharing the changes that the information has provided them- the improved orgasms with their wives and partners, the successful first date, finally feeling less alone…these messages and connection points remind me of how important this work truly is.
I have studied under the VITA methodology, a tantric and holistic approach to sex, love, and relationships. And I am nearly complete with receiving my Masters in psychotherapy and becoming a licensed therapist. I love blending the tantric approach with psychology and biology. Bringing both of these schools of thought together has uniquely helped me, my clients, and the community amplify what’s possible in sex, love, and life.
What was your favorite childhood memory?
I have always been a water baby. In preschool, I loved that we had swim day on certain Fridays and got to go swimming at the school’s pool. I was in heaven. This is such a core memory that I hold onto to this day. And it reminds me that once we find something we love, we come more alive.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.thenakedconnection.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nakedconnection/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kirstentram
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXPSWU_qT_ei0r7kQc3cbNg
- Other: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-naked-connection-master-sex-dating-and-relationship/id1713413210
Image Credits
Shay LaVee
