Today we’d like to introduce you to Dan Singley.
Hi Dan, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
There’s an old saying in psychology that “research is ‘me-search.'” So, it’s really no accident that I became an expert focusing on men’s issues and early fatherhood. I’m now a licensed psychologist and was always interested in how I could be a positive change agent to help people flourish in their lives. The reality is that getting a Ph.D. in psychology usually does not involve any training about the psychology of men or masculinity. So, it was when I moved to San Diego to do my pre-doctoral internship at UC San Diego that I first even heard about the field of the psychology of men when a local psychologist who’s now my very good friend and mentor came to talk to my intern cohort about the work he was doing with men and fathers. At the time, I had a three-week-old baby and was actually kind of embarrassed that it hadn’t occurred to me to look up the relevant research and literature in the area of fatherhood because I had just had that milestone. Now, I’ve found myself really enjoying a career of over 20 years, focusing on how to help men, fathers, and the people who love them to live better, more fruitful lives, and I still feel like I’m getting away with something! So, I feel pretty privileged that I’m able to do clinical work, research on fathers, speaking and training all over the country, working as the president of the APA division on the psychology of men, and teaching classes for expectant dads.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back, would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Working in the psychology of men’s issues has definitely involved some challenges not the least of which is the tendency for people to assume that specializing in masculinities somehow makes me a male supremacist or a misogynist. That kind of zero some thinking is oftentimes automatic (masculinity just isn’t inherently toxic or problematic – plenty of research supports that point!), and I’ve many times had the conversation that in fact my staff and I support people of all genders and we have deep expertise in the psychology of men and fathers. We also work to foster better more satisfying relationships with the people that they love.
Another inherent challenge in being a men’s psychologist is the fact that guys have a well-researched difficulty asking for help in general and mental health help in particular! That’s actually part of the challenge that I really enjoy because men suffer and struggle just like anyone else, and finding ways to get the right kind of support they need in a way that’s palatable has been both a challenge and super gratifying. One key aspect of managing this challenge is the fact that my staff and I at the Center for Men’s Excellence don’t push anyone’s “best” way of being a man. The research shows that it’s balance and flexibility in a guy’s sense of masculinity that’s healthiest and predicts less depression, less likely to die by suicide, better relationships, and contributes to living a longer, happier life. The balance means being able to be a traditional “guy guy” in certain contexts – like work, a boxing ring, or in court – where it’s most functional, but also being able to be empathetic, emotionally available, accepting of others’ influence, a willing partner in other context where those aspects of masculinity are most beneficial. I sum that up by saying that it’s admirable when men strive to protect, provide, and sacrifice – and they also need to learn when to let others protect them, provide for them, and sacrifice for them. That’s psychological flexibility and a great way to keep healthy!
Another related issue is that because my research is in paternal perinatal mental health and the field is often referred to as “maternal mental health,” my experience has been that expectant and new parents including the dads themselves oftentimes don’t even think about how fathers might benefit from taking a class or don’t know that 10% of dads get postpartum depression but because of stigma and shame around help-seeking, these kinds of issues often go unnoticed. So, an important part of what my colleagues and I are working to do is to raise awareness about ways that men can struggle with their mental health and about the need to talk about parental mental health that’s inclusive of parents of all genders.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar, what can you tell them about what you do?
Frankly, they’re simply aren’t that many people in mental health or psychology that are focusing in the area of men and masculinity. The field is slowly growing, and I’m very proud to be not just practicing psychology in this area but by conducting research and ongoing trainings my colleagues and I are leading the field. It’s kind of funny but I will often times hear people say, “Oh right, the dad’s – I hadn’t thought about that!” or “psychology of men? Is that really a thing?” So, beyond the research, training, and clinical work, I’m really honored to be the current President of the American Psychological Association’s Division on the Psychology of Men and Masculinities because it’s allowed me more of a platform to draw attention to this area of research and practice. If people don’t know it exists, then they can’t benefit from it!
With respect to clinical work, I’m very focused on evidence-based practice and what the research and literature suggests would be most helpful in doing programs, individual group and couples work with men and their loved ones. That focus in the clinical work that we do at our clinic definitely sets us apart because we do time-limited structured therapy that teaches our patients skills, tools, and techniques that are designed to ultimately allow them to better manage their areas of difficulty and employ their strengths more effectively so that they can thrive.
Where we are in life is often partly because of others. Who/what else deserves credit for how your story turned out?
I have been incredibly lucky to have had professional mentors who have taken a personal interest in me, and I will always be very grateful to them. One is a local psychologist and men’s issues expert named Jeff Jones, and he was the person who first ever even talked about the psychology of men, and it blew my mind as soon as I heard him talk about it. I knew I wanted to move in that direction, and when I finished my postdoctoral fellowship, I cold called Jeff, and he immediately took me under his wing by helping me to get a first five Grant to develop a class for expectant dads and then he involved me in the San Diego psychological associations men’s issues committee and then in the APA’s division on the psychology of men and masculinities.
I also have to say that my wife has given me some of the most valuable support and advice in my professional journey. At one point, after I had left a startup company and was looking around thinking I needed to get a job with a larger organization with benefits for my kids and my family she sat me down and told me that I was overloaded and trying to go in too many directions. I have ADD, so that type of thing happens pretty naturally for me… But she told me that I was not allowed to go work for anyone else and I needed to give my private practice and consulting a year and a half to take off, and the catch was I had to get off of any committee or board or project that was not directly related to men’s issues or fatherhood. I followed that advice, and it’s become my north star, and I owe so much to my wife’s confidence in me that we would be able to make it work. And it has!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.menexcel.com
- Instagram: @Men.Excel
- Facebook: @MenExcel
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/72331823/admin/feed/posts/
- Twitter: @MenExcel
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/the-center-for-mens-excellence-san-diego-2
