Today we’d like to introduce you to Ericalynn Cotton.
Hi Ericalynn, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start, maybe you can share some of your backstories with our readers.
I grew up in Church. I sung on the choir, I was a praise dancer, and I was even a camp counselor at an overnight Christian camp before the age of 15. I remember having a boyfriend and knowing that the relationship that I was in was not one that I should have been in. One night we had a youth night at church. There was a moment during worship that I can remember crying out to the Lord and telling him that I was done. I didn’t want to run anymore; I didn’t want to play anymore. I wanted him to send me someone for ME! Now remember, I was 15 YEARS OLD. What 15-year-old prays a prayer like this?
I already knew Chris because he was a football player and I was a cheerleader. We had exchanged numbers a few months prior, but because I had a boyfriend, he didn’t feel right talking to me. He explicitly told me, “When y’all break up, come holla at me.” And that’s what I did! After my current boyfriend and I broke up, I went to school looking for Chris. But I could not find him. I would usually see him every day, several times a day in the hallway.
Chris also grew up Church, in fact, his dad is a Pastor. When I finally caught up with Chris and told him that I was looking for him, he said, “I know, I was avoiding you.” After some time of us dating, he finally told me that he was avoiding me because the Lord told him that I was going to be his wife. He was 18! Of course, he was avoiding me! What popular football player wants to be told by the Holy Spirit that someone from high school is going to be his wife? He wasn’t done playing the field (if you know what I mean). Once Chris went to college, we decided that we should take a break. I wanted him to be free to do whatever he wanted in college without having to worry about his High School girlfriend back at home. That lasted for maybe one semester, and then we were back together.
Chris and I got married when I was 21. We had a small wedding in South Philly. He was working as a Comedian and I was an RN but still working my security job at a local university. We didn’t have much, but we knew that we were meant to be together. Chris wanted a family when we were in our early 20s, but his career had him away from home often, so we decided to wait. I found out that I was pregnant in June of 2019. We were both so excited! We had 2 early miscarriages in the past, so we were nervous to let anyone know. We told close family and friends that I was pregnant on my 30th birthday. We took one picture that he posted on social media, and I told him not to tag me in it. I was working as a Labor and Delivery Nurse at the time and was well aware of the potential outcomes of a high-risk pregnancy. We had a few complications during my pregnancy, but with each week that the baby grew, we got more excited.
On December 10th, Chris was preparing to fly out for this huge comedy festival that he was doing, and we had planned to go on a date before he left. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. When I got home from work Chris wasn’t home, which was unlike him. I called him and couldn’t get ahold of him. I began to call family and friends to see if anyone had heard from him, and they hadn’t. Hours went by, and I could feel in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. He finally ended up calling me around 11 pm and said that he fell asleep and was going to come home. That was the last time that I spoke to my husband. He ended up passing away on December 11th, 2019, from a blood clot that had travelled to his lungs.
We didn’t know the sex of our child. We had decided to wait until we had the baby to find out. So, we referred to the baby as “Blue.” We decided on Chris Jr. for a boy and Drew for a girl. On the day that Chris died, I decided to check my medical records to see what we were having. Chris wanted a girl, but I just knew that I was pregnant with a boy. As his body laid there, I logged in to see if it was a boy or girl. As I scrolled up, I saw FEMALE. I began to cry historically and say, “babe, wake up, wake up! It’s a girl! You got your girl”. But he was gone. And he wasn’t coming back. There I stood, 7 months pregnant with the baby girl that he had waited so long to meet. I decided that although we loved the name Drew (after my favorite uncle), I had to name her after her father as well.
On Feb 7th, 2020, ChristenDrew Cheryl Cotton was born. My father was the first person to hold her. He still remains #1 on her list to this day. I decided to continue to call her “Blue” since that was the name that Chris always called her. I had Blue just one month before the pandemic hit. Since Chris was a popular comedian who had worked for Comedy Central when word got out that I was pregnant when he passed away, there was an amazing outpour of love and support. My registry sold out twice, and Chris’s friends started a go fund me that raised over 60k. I was financially set for the next year and had a surplus of baby items. I was so moved by the response and outpour of love from family, friends, and fans during one of the toughest times of my life. I decided that through this experience, I wanted to be able to help people in the same way that I was helped when I lost Chris. Eventually, I formed Beauty Over Ashes. A Pennsylvania non-profit organization that helps widows, widowers, and families experiencing grief and loss during the early stages of raising a family.
I believe that there is purpose in the journey that the Lord has me on. I will continue to share my testimony to inspire and uplift those who find themselves in a difficult place. My goal is for the organization to be a staple in the community and to help women and men globally as they navigate grief, loss, and raising a family.
We all face challenges, but looking back, would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
One of the largest obstacles that I have faced recently is lack of funding. Once people began learning about the organization, they began reaching out for services. The services that we offer are at no out-of-pocket cost to the recipient. We pay local organizations that provide services to our recipients with monies from donors and sponsors.
Thanks – so, what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I have my Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing but am no longer practicing as an RN in the hospital setting. I retired once my husband passed, and I had my daughter. I use my knowledge and training as a women’s health nurse in the Black Maternal Health space as an advocate, educator, and philanthropist. Women’s Health is my passion, and I partner with local organizations like CocoLife.black and Royal Generation to help overlooked populations of families in their time of need. Beauty Over Ashes is becoming a staple in the Black Maternal Health community. I am proud to be able to use my story of love and loss to inspire, educate and bless people during their grief journey. Not many organizations specialize in compassion services as it relates to parents losing their significant others. When I became a 7-month pregnant widow, I looked for services for young widows. I couldn’t find anything. There were many services for single mothers and low-income families, but there is something significantly different for a woman who is lost her husband while pregnant or shortly after delivery. We hold space specifically to help women in that situation.
What was your favorite childhood memory?
My favorite childhood memory is literally every summer as a child with my Uncle Andy. That is where the Drew in my daughter’s name came from. I loved spending summers with my uncle. He had a beautiful home in New Jersey, and we would do all types of activities throughout the summer together. He exposed me to many different experiences that I may not have gotten growing up in the city.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.beautyoverashes.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_beautyoverashes
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BEAUTYoverASHESphilly
Image Credits
Q-Touch Photography
Arekusn Photography
