Today we’d like to introduce you to Naomi Kurashige.
Alright, so thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
I understood very early on that I was not going to be cared for. My parents were very clear on the reason for my existence- I was the result of an attempt to save their marriage, and when that didn’t work out, I was the unwanted piece that they were both very willing to get rid of. They were both emotionally and physically abusive, and when I ran away from home at 15, no one looked for me and I believe that was the day I truly understood that I was one that no one loved.
They both had a severe alcohol addiction, one that even resulted in my father having to go for surgery to remove his liver- he still drank non-alcoholic beer after- that’s how much he enjoyed drinking and the feeling it provided him. I remember kneeling on broken glass in front of my mother while she poured herself Absolute Vodka and drank it straight on the rocks while considering what the next punishment for me should be. When I made a spelling error on my Mother’s Day card at 10 years old, my mother glanced at it, mocked it, and told me that “if it’s just the thought that counts, maybe it’s better not to even have the thought at all”. She did not speak to me for a month out of disappointment at my inability to celebrate her the way she wanted to be seen, and I don’t believe I ever gave her another gift again.
My family were well-to-do, they just refused to support me financially. I was unable to travel to school due to a lack of bus fare, and would often starve as my parents would be out living their mid-life crises and I would be at home eating rock sugar cubes. I sustained myself financially by selling tickets to local music gigs and was really good at it. By 15, I was hosting these music shows and played a vital role in artist selection and organizing the shows themselves. When my father decided one night that he would like to throw me out of the window of our home, I decided that it was time to leave and never return. I never finished high school.
Everything in between, if you can imagine it, it happened to me. I was homeless for 6 years, including sleeping in the playground tube slides, had an abusive boyfriend, am a rape victim survivor, was a BDSM dominatrix, and of course, by the time I was 20, I became a meth addict. I was told it would take the pain away; bring me someplace else besides where I was at. And it did. It was also during these 3 years of being an addict that I discovered spoken word poetry, and most of the time doing drugs, I spent crying and watching videos, discovering that I was in a lot more pain that I thought. I have attempted suicide thrice, and when I was found the 3rd time, I told myself that since I was so bad at this, maybe I should try living a bit more. I borrowed money from everyone I even remotely knew, and got enough to rent a room. I was still struggling, still an addict, but I was trying every day and I know that doesn’t count as much but I thought I would be dead by 30 and I turned 30 in June this year and I want to live forever now. I held odd jobs while teaching myself graphic design and despite how great everything began to sound and look to everyone else; I was 85lbs, with a face that was scarred so severely from picking it, and I had a boyfriend who I just discovered then on my 23rd birthday that was cheating on me for the 8 out of 11 months we were together. Most people didn’t know what I was going through, and looking back I know now, that the way I was raised made me feel like I was a burden, and I am still working on that today to try to see that I deserve maybe happiness or a chance in this life to hold onto more than I have lost before.
Him cheating on me, that was the other turning point. I kicked him out and locked myself in for 2 weeks to get clean. I would wake up, vomit, pass out in my vomit, then wake up 6 hours later only for the whole cycle to repeat as I couldn’t crawl to the bathroom in time. I was sick of being treated like trash, and if this kept happening to me, then it must be me. The drugs didn’t appeal to me as how it did before, and while I was getting clean, I passed out and hit the corner of a drawer on the way down and have a huge hole in my nose. Last month (Aug 2022), I finally got a piercing where the hole is, and I feel like a brand-new person. For 7 years, I only see the hole in my nose when I look at myself in the mirror, a constant reminder of my failures and how pathetic I was when I was an addict. The hole now holds a silver jewel, and while it is at a weird spot for others, I feel like a new person.
California is my second chance in life. I quit smoking cigarettes, from 40 sticks to 0. I have a Peloton Bike+, and I exercise every day. I eat well, and I cook well too 🙂 In the last 7 years since I have gotten clean, I have gotten back into organizing events, managing artists, writing poetry, publishing poetry, performing live poetry shows, AND I have successfully been holding down a job as well. I am one of the top 3 writers at one of the leading resume writing companies, where I write technical documents for clients across the world.
I am also a big advocate for cannabis here, having been involved with events such as Kushstock- the largest, free, legal cannabis festival in the world. I also contribute to a monthly event, the Four2Zero Night Market, comprising of small businesses of all kinds (including non-cannabis) and live performers throughout the event.
It’s been said that when addicts get clean, the body sometimes take years for the pain and physical “torture” to resurface. I lost more than 10 teeth 2 years after getting clean, cos I could not afford to have them fixed, and injuries I have received from the physical abuse received still lingers on today. Cannabis helps- including balms, creams, Epsom salts, CBD oil, there are many facets to cannabis that focuses on healing and repairing the body, as supplements would, and I am excited to be part of this movement in continuing to bring awareness to others on the benefits of cannabis besides getting stoned.
I am currently working on my first fiction novel, and I wake up every day grateful to be alive, to be able to move, and to be able to have a chance here in California.
I’m sure you wouldn’t say it’s been obstacle free, but so far would you say the journey has been a fairly smooth road?
I spent the earlier years of my life suffering when peers around me had the chance to live their youth. I do my best to live my life to the fullest, but I know how much I have lost in this life that I can never get back. I will never experience love from my family, in my memories only do I remember a body that didn’t hold physical suffering.
I will also never flinch too hard if anyone tries to take anything from me. Losing every single thing I have ever owned, thrice- I do not hold value or resistance to things being taken away from me or being threatened of. Silver lining maybe. I consistently live in fear of being fired from my job, or to be cast aside- I was raised to believe I deserved lesser than others, and that I would have to work harder than others for what might be given easily to them. I am honest in sharing my fears because that doesn’t mean that life isn’t worth living to the fullest. People always say they want x and y, but not everyone is willing to put the effort in to make things work. Overcoming all my struggles in life made me realize that I want to put in that hard work- I want a challenge- I want to be tested- I want to see how much more I can achieve, I want to be the best that I can be in this life. These feelings of self-doubt, inferiority might never go away, but I think after everything I have been through, I can say that I am in the place where I am able to harness these fears into pushing myself to be more than I think I am.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
Poet: I write about the little moments that we try to skim past; I like to use my words to slow down those moments into long pauses, inciting possibilities, questions, and answers through my work.
Event Planner: Primarily right now, I co-organize, contribute to, and assist in the planning and delivery of events focusing on small businesses, live performers, and cannabis advocacy.
Artist Management: I play a pivotal role in navigating challenges for artists, providing them with opportunities to further advance their careers. DRQLA is the main band I am managing that started in March 2022- they have played almost 20 shows till date in October 2022, including opening for Steven Adler of Guns n Roses and at Kushstock sharing the same stage with artists such as Lil Xan and Luniz. DRQLA’s successful launch so far in the local scene is something I am very proud of.
I also won a poetry competition that had prize money: http://waxpoetryart.com/worldsbest/1/ where I am one of 23 poets selected in 2019 for World’s Best Poems Volume 1.
There are not many Asian spoken word poets, even lesser female ones, and even lesser poets that use multiple Asian languages to write their art. There are even fewer female Asians who are involved in cannabis, rock n roll/industrial/hip hop music. I stand out for my different approaches and the tribulations I have suffered over the course of my life without family- it is much more rarer in Asian communities to be without a single member of your family, so I relate lesser to my Asian counterparts in regards to the way I make my decisions today, as well as my ability to understand people around me that has suffered severely in this life.
I write to prisoners here in America, to those who have been sentenced life without parole, or awaiting death sentence. I believe in better treatment for inmates, and am seeking opportunities to be able to play a part in supporting this belief. This is an area that has been quite controversial in my life, but I have witnessed the trauma and suffering of those who have been released, and a lot more can be done to prevent history from repeating itself.
Any advice for finding a mentor or networking in general?
The best mentors for me were the ones that were just one step ahead of me. When I was looking to be published, I sought out newly-published authors and poets to learn from them. I think a lot of people look at industry leaders and try to learn from them, but the gap between where we are and where we want to be comprises of more steps and processes than most of us realize. It is also natural to have more than one person fulfill one function, and most professional relationships don’t last- they stay on for phases in your life, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/naomikurashige
Image Credits
Four2Zero Night Market (@four2zero_nightmarket)
Nico Vino (@nicovino5)
Hon Hoang (@honnnhoang)
Kushstock (@kushstock)
Alan Alejandro
