Today we’d like to introduce you to Jill Landry.
Hi Jill, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
My name is Jill Landry, and I am part of our volunteer squad. I have the distinction of being the only one of us who had a loss last century. After we had our son, my husband and I had 4 miscarriages between 1999 and 2001 when we were stationed in Oregon, then Rhode Island, and then luckily California, where we found Empty Cradle after miscarriage #3. Empty Cradle gave me a foothold, language that I could use to tell my story, and some very important moments with strangers that I have carried with me throughout my years as a loss parent. I used a tremendous amount of their tissues. We were the line leader in our families with miscarriage; no one we knew could guide us. Thank goodness for the founders who decided pregnancy loss support was something San Diego needed. Thank goodness there were so many compassionate people with so many varied losses and the energy, the ability to talk about it. Here I was, tears as my membership card, with other parents both with and without living children, all together around tables with tissues, sharing and CARING. I attended the single monthly meeting they had through one more miscarriage and then attended the subsequent pregnancy group that they had in a separate room until I had our daughter successfully in 2003 while my husband was out to sea. In 2010, I was sitting at my desk and I thought, “Hmm, I wonder if those nice people from Empty Cradle need any help.” YES, they said. I started with answering our phone calls, and journeyed to where I am today for us, where I lead two of our online groups, answer our support emails, coordinate our meeting leaders, and am on the board.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
My experience as an attendee of Empty Cradle in 2000 where there was one meeting monthly is different than the 4 smaller meetings that we hold in person between 2 counties and the 4 virtual meetings that anyone can attend from any state. We also now have several events a year as well. Our reach is larger, but it is harder to obtain new volunteers as this is heavy work. We support parents who have lost babies through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, TFMR (termination for medical reasons), infant death and SIDS. People come to our groups in absolute despair that few can fathom; they are filled with smothering sadness, confusion, disbelief, anger, and often have physical symptoms as well as they heal from a birth experience that that did not result in a living child. Some have supportive families, many do not. Some are young, some are older in the reproductive spectrum. My goal is to form community even though we are not in the same room, and sometimes not even the same state. It can be a struggle hoping that I said enough in our limited shared time to create a group experience that feels like a soft hug for a new person. Where I feel like a superhero is when someone comes back, that is when I know that my experience with my losses has helped another. It is always a beautiful moment. I have struggled a bit with helping people who had complicated infertility issues either before their loss or after, as that was not in my story. But I found the remedy to that was asking my women many questions, and becoming educated on the physical processes involved. Becoming empathetic comes very easy when you listen to how much conscious effort is required when the process to become pregnant is effortless and fun for most. As I approach 59 I am thoughtful that I am often a bit more than twice the age of my attendees, but I still live in the world of loss because I my little 4 pack of babies that did not make it have had the ability to help so many others; it is addictive. My living children are 22 and 29 now, and they and their friends will start their own parenthood journey… and so I stay.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
Empty Cradle is a non-profit serving families families who have lost a baby due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, TFMR, stillbirth, infant death, and SIDS. We offer free peer-led support meetings virtually and in person, email support, hospital and community education in services, and several memorial events a year including our Walk to Remember in Spring and our Wave of Light in Fall. We also are on Facebook and Instagram. Everyone is a volunteer who has experienced a pregnancy loss. We have no paid staff, and we are so proud to be carrying on the work that was started by some families who experienced pregnancy loss over 40 years ago. We are known for our meetings, and also for our memory boxes and other items that we create and donate for local hospitals to distribute to parents who have a loss while under their care. We rely on donations and are not funded by any major corporations; we exist on individual donations ranging in amounts from lunch money to a extremely nice dinner, and all donated money goes into our events, website fees, memory boxes and other tangibles for our programs. I think that what sets us apart is that we are only for loss parents (not relatives and friends); we are non-sectarian and a safe inclusive space for all. Besides our grief support groups, we do have another support group called The Road Ahead, which is run by me and focuses on thinking about becoming or being pregnant after a loss. This is a space for people to share/get centered either before they are pregnant again or once they are. It is spectacular to help parents harness hope where they can.
Let’s talk about our city – what do you love? What do you not love?
Easy, the sunshine and the long growing season for gardening. Over the years I have worked out many things in my vegetable beds. I carry the stories each season of the women I meet, thinking of them as I touch the earth, planting my plants with wishes for these women to feel rooted as well. I also enjoy canning and have access to many summer fruits that I grow in my yard , and that allows me to make incredible jams in my outdoor kitchen where I can sling sugar almost year round. I grew up on the east coast, spent my teenage years in NoCal and OC, and then moved to Virginia where I met a sailor and we did some Northwest time and chose orders to San Diego in 2000 after he commissioned as an Officer. I arrived in November with our son via plane and we were in winter gear and it was sunny and 80 degrees in NOVEMBER. I called my hubby and said ” I think I found my happy place”. We left for a bit but thankfully he kept his Navy career here until he retired as a Commander after 31 years in the Navy in 2019. I think that we would both agree that what we like least about our city is people who do not like our city or our state. All this sunshine, gorgeous beaches, tacos and other diversity is not for everyone.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.emptycradle.org/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emptycradle
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/EmptyCradle
