Today we’d like to introduce you to Rebekah Finn.
Hi Rebekah, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
Back in 2010, after my brother-in-law’s Dad, Dave, died. I started volunteering teaching yoga at the local senior center on my lunch break every Wednesday for over 10 years. I loved the community, the class was for anyone 18 years and up. We practiced chair yoga and practices that anyone could do. I had a variety of students of all ages, including adults with special needs and it filled my soul so much. Then in 2019, I had been working for an Organic Fertilizer Company since 2005 and was feeling burnt out and had lost my spark for working for this organization. I wanted to explore other areas and maybe even a new career field and didn’t know exactly how I would get there.
My grandma Maxine died in April of 2019 and I played my harmonium at her service. It was the first time I’d played in a cemetery and was an active participant in a celebration of life. I can still recall and remember vividly the day she died. I asked her what she wanted me to play at her service and immediately heard a response “This Little Light Of Mine”. I was a bit awestruck as I didn’t think asking her spirit or talking to her I would feel the presence/ high vibrational- energy reassurance of her responding right back. I had never spoken to anyone who had died before so I was caught off guard and couldn’t believe she continued by whispering “Keep playing music, keep shining, let go of all the fear you hold and keep doing what you are doing.”
I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about how much I used to talk to her and feel like Grandma Maxine’s spirit and unconditional love was the catalyst I needed to begin my transition from one career field to another. Most of my vivid memories of my grandma were just sitting next to her in silence, being together, breathing, and just hanging out without needing to speak. Sitting in her presence was enough and all I needed to feel to know I was safe, and silence is a sacred act. I used to think it was strange and now in 2025 I realize how simple and powerful it is as she was teaching me how to be a death doula at an early age. I started vision boarding in November of 2019 and began taking baby steps with small changes. By 2020, since my role was still considered an essential worker and I was grateful to still be working, I began making small one minute videos on my personal instagram @yogibekah page. With the goal to be inspiring, reflecting, asking questions, putting myself out there as I have always been told I was inspiring, or would win an award in sports when I was young as Most Inspirational. In 2020, I started playing my harmonium almost daily and would play during outdoor yoga classes and began playing in a band with a handful of friends I worked out with.
In July of 2021 I was helping a dear friend whose Mom was in stage 4 lung cancer and she was taking care of her Mom at night and I would be talking with her on Facetime or over the phone and play the harmonium and sing to her to give her a little self care each night. She said her Mom was open to me playing to her over the phone and the next day she died before I had a chance to do so. My dear friend asked if I could create a song for her mom and sing at her service. I graciously did. In August of 2021, I took a “Find Your Purpose” workshop with the Blue Zones Project in the Monterey Peninsula and found my mission. That same night I had a dream about being a Death Doula. I woke up thinking “What in the heck is a Death Doula?” I started researching online and tried to find everything I could and the one person that I came across was Alua Arthur. I was fascinated and intrigued with how she carried herself, her story, her authentic unapologetic expressive self and laughter. I thought if I am going to take a training I want it to be with her. Alua and Caitlin Dougherty had a Mortality Course that I immediately signed up for online to look at my own life and see what it was all about and whether this was still a peak interest to continue to pursue and take her Death Doula course.
I knew from a young age, I loved cemeteries, kept every single prayer bookmark card I received of loved ones, and was also curious and a bit upset when my own Grandpa and Aunt died and wondered why I wasn’t even given the option to visit or say goodbye. In 2010, I started traveling internationally on yoga retreats and exploring different countries and loved learning about different cultures, perspectives, traditions, and would often visit historic religious sites, cemeteries and go on tours and loved learning so much because I feel like I’m a student of life. As I started thinking, processing, I began planting seeds with the owner of the company I worked for (Organic Fertilizer Company) if I could relocate and move back to San Diego and complete my role remotely. I had lived in San Diego when I was attending college from 2000-2005 and just loved the city, beach and expansiveness of living in a bigger town than the Monterey Peninsula that I grew up in.
Ultimately, after 16 years, I decided to resign from the comfort and stability of my job in February 2022, move back to San Diego with my Husband, Brendan, and Boston Terrier, Petunia, and take a leap of faith to jump into the unknown. Without a job I started reading anything and everything I could about death, dying, and grief and enrolled in Alua Arthur’s Going with Grace Death Doula Training Course and explored the unknown not knowing how it would all unfold and taking the course was the first step.
In May of 2022, I found a local hospice that piqued my interest, Topkare Hospice, and checked out their volunteer program. I immediately knew this was an organization I wanted to be a part of. Part of my volunteer training was to try out their free acupuncture (Topkare partners with Pacific College School of Health and Science) and has students of acupuncture do an internship as they have to get so many hours before they can graduate) they offered personalized treatments to those in their bereavement program and to loved ones who are caregiving for those on service. I met the spiritual counselor and one of the aids and helped make essential oils and lotions for the current patients and was WOW’ed about the holistic modalities that were offered by this hospice. I started volunteering weekly, playing intuitive music, and sitting bedside vigil. As facilities started opening back up and allowing volunteers to visit post COVID pandemic. I began attending any of the free events to learn more about the organization as often as I could to see if there were any open, available positions.
Upon completion of the Going with Grace course, I started a new Instagram page @harmoniumdeathdoula and made a small commitment to post a one-minute- video each day starting in August 2022 and before I even hit 90 days in a row I was offered a part time job with Topkare Hospice.
Luckily for me it was a small hospice and they didn’t have a Volunteer Coordinator. After volunteering for 5 months, I curiously asked if they were looking for any part time help. I knew the diverse experience from my 16 year career at True Organic Products would easily overlap and help this hospice grow and expand. I graduated from San Diego State University with a BA in Psychology, I had experience in marketing, public relations, community relationships, and used to wear several hats and roles based on any given specific day. I’ve mostly self-taught, learn quickly and fill in whenever needed. I got my spark and passion back and was all in to begin to trailblaze how we educate, inform, and allow choices to help create meaningful conversations, and meaningful moments of whatever time that is left.
In December of 2022, I graciously accepted a part time role to help in Volunteer and Bereavement Coordinating with Topkare Hospice. Once onboard the owner, Jamie Hunt, wanted to expand the free holistic services to the community. She wanted to offer a free monthly sound experience for grief. I immediately jumped on the opportunity as I had been playing the harmonium since 2012 and had been collecting various other sound instruments and enjoy intuitively playing and practicing. Jamie has really given me freedom to create and love the innovative ideas, topics, and vision of how I wanted to grow the Bereavement Program, recruit new volunteers for the program, and be aligned with Topkare’s Mission to provide empowering education and exceptional personalized care to our patients, families and community. We are committed to enhancing comfort, dignity, and choice throughout the end of life journey.
Upon being hired I instantly began creating content for all Topkare Hospice social media accounts, helped create and manage all the free monthly events for grief. Details at www.topkare.com/events. From my previous social media posts and videos this experience made me feel extra comfortable in front of the camera. In March of 2023 we continued to expand our programming and added to the Holistic Bereavement Program, a free monthly mindfulness 30 minute meditation with Volunteer Alice Kochunov M.D., on Instagram Live. By October, 2023 I moved to a full time position with the organization. I met with Dr. Amy Lathrop from Pacific College School of Health and Science and wanted to expand the acupuncture treatments to offer treatments to the community and expanded to create a group NADA protocol with sound experience to combine two holistic treatments of auricular acupuncture and sound. We still offered individual treatments to those in the bereavement community and created a raffle drawing that if unfilled spots would be offered to community members. All these treatments are free. The Topkare Hospice Team is a carefully-crafted and compassionate group who have over 25 years experience in hospice and are passionate about what we do. We put together a Threshold Care Program that helps build individualized plans of care for the last 7-10 days of life. We have created a comfort questionnaire and have played and offered sound experiences for staff, facilities, and try to educate the community about hospice. We’ve provided support to loved ones and patients to allow space for some spectacular transitions that can really help with the grieving process and normalize life, death, and grief. We plan for everything and while allowing space to be curious and gather information and suggestions can really change and take the fear and scariness out of death and the unknown. Our goal is to help create harmonious transitions while meeting people where they are.
The owner Jamie Hunt is an RN who came from working 10 years in the ICU. She was troubled by how often she saw terminally ill patients receiving intensive treatments without regard to their wishes. The principle of patient autonomy is foundational to the philosophy of Topkare, where patients are cared for in body and mind.
I began writing the monthly newsletters in February of 2024 and was given the opportunity to write an article for the Good Death Society blog https://www.thegooddeathsocietyblog.net/2024/04/07/take-initiative-to-create-your-own-personalized-death-care-plan/ that was published in April of 2024. I’ve meticulously put together multiple Annual Memorials for Topkare Hospice Organization on a very modest budget. In February 2025, the owner wanted to expand the community reach to those who didn’t live locally and I organized with a dedicated volunteer, Claudia Faerber, and created an online Sacred Grief Circle. These are meant to allow grief to be witnessed, validated and are not a replacement for therapy.
The experience at Topkare Hospice has been so rejuvenating to my heart and soul and I’m so excited and humbly grateful to be a part of a company that cares and works together as a team. I feel lucky to be on this new career path, thriving, and I’ve even had opportunities to be hired to assist private clients to help during the transitioning of loved ones. Each one has been so special and magical. I sometimes pinch myself and wonder if this doesn’t even feel like working because it feels like I’ve finally found what I’ve been meant to do. The most recent was helping my 95 year old grandmother (the Matriarch) transition and she literally took her last breath in front of me. She taught me how to die with utter grace and it was the best Death Doula training I’ve ever had in my life because being present and soaking up each moment of the liminal spaces (when your senses are so heightened) is what life is all about. How can we live each moment of our waking life to be fully alive and fully present in everything we do? I think the first step is slowing down and practicing being. You see, we are human beings not human doers.
I can’t wait to watch how the rest of my career in this field unfolds. I’ve noticed the less I seek the more magic and opportunities seem to fall out of thin air. There are blessings all around if we are still enough to listen.
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Choosing to leave my 16 year career was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because it was a family-owned company, (My sister and brother-in-law owned it), and I helped build the company from the ground up. I realized I was probably burnt out around 2019 and stayed because it was comfortable but my heart wasn’t in it anymore.
Leaving the job, moving to San Diego, I had no idea how I was going to get a new job and didn’t work for 10 months. It was so scary and it was practice of being in the unknown and time to really sit with myself and take time to slow down, and also not working and having income. I had never done that as I’ve been a workaholic and take pride in the work I do and do my best to show up authentically. So there were times when I was thinking was I crazy and wondering if I made the right decision. Second guessing myself and the more I leaned into the fear, anxiousness, and got more uncomfortable in the unknown, I realized isn’t each moment the unknown? My previous career was my entire identity and so that’s when I explored and realized there are all sorts and types of grief and I was literally going through so many griefs and realized my perspective could be that it was midlife crisis or as I called it a “midlife awakening.” I realized after reading Brene Brown’s Book, Atlas of the Heart, that feelings of confusion can also resonate as excitement, so I started really looking at my own emotions and really understanding that multiple feelings can co-exist. Joy and Grief can co-exist and realizing taking small steps can help inch your way to a new career or anything you want to put your mind to.
How can we be comfortable in the uncomfortable? You can really apply that to anything! How can we lean into the unknown with curiosity instead of judgment that something should be done or should not be done in a certain way. Is there a right or wrong way to do anything?
I did apply to volunteer at a different hospice before I found Topkare Hospice. I went through the training and then I was told my background check didn’t clear and I was unable to volunteer. So at first I felt holy moly, I can’t even get a volunteer position. Then I realized maybe it was the universe wanting to steer me in a different direction to pursue to volunteer at a different hospice.
I then networked online to look at other organizations or events related to death and dying and came across Michelle Little’s the Beautiful Dying Expo. I met up with her and she told me about Topkare Hospice being a holistic forward thinking end of life comfort care organization and she knew the owner. She encouraged me to check them out to see if they are needing or wanting any volunteers. So if I never went out and networked or attended various events of showing up not knowing what I was doing and putting myself out there being new to the industry and new in town, the moral of the story is you never know who you may meet that can change your path or point you in the right direction as you are navigating and creating the life you want to live.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
As a Death Doula, my specialty is meeting people right where they are and being a neutral, non-judgemental companion, open to help support in whatever way I can. I’m passionate about building sacred communities and allowing space for people to be seen, heard, and validated in their grief journey.
My purpose and mission is to be of service and help create harmony through life’s transitions. Moving, losing a job, resigning from a job, changing careers, pet loss, getting a divorce, being an empty nester, retirement, these are all examples of grief. It doesn’t have to be a human loss to have a grief experience.
Harmonium Death Doula’s slogan is: Allowing space for personalized choices to bridge harmnious transitions.
My specialty is bedside vigil (last 7-10 days of life) helping to create sacred meaningful moments, whether it’s learning about the patient and creating an intuitive song with harmonium, or other instruments therapeutic harp, sound bowls, buffalo drum and allowing space for people to process and come at peace of how it’s unfolding. I’m comfortable in the uncomfortable.
My job at Topkare Hospice as the Bereavement & Volunteer Coordinator as well as managing all the free monthly events for grief, my specialty is allowing space for feelings to be seen, heard, and validated. In grief, there is no fixing. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is no timeline or time frame, and I think it’s important to allow people to be just as they are. Providing presence, space, stillness, sitting in silence (sometimes awkward silence) and providing a listening ear goes a long way to slowly build a relationship with each person who is grieving. Asking questions, asking if they would like a hug, asking the name of what or who they are grieving is important. Oftentimes as a bereavement coordinator I am not necessarily introduced to or meet the family, unless I am called in during the last 7-10 days to play music. So once the loved one dies, I am the person who calls and checks with people after the death occurs. Since I’ve never met them I am usually lighting a candle (ritual) at my desk before I start calling, or writing check in notes in our bereavement mailers, writing condolence cards to introduce myself, and sharing about our Bereavement program and free offerings that may support as they navigate their grief journey now and in the future. There are times where I place my hand on my heart as I dial the number and leave a detailed message. I do my best to come from an authentic space of presence, reverence, sacredness, and tenderness, as I never know if someone will answer, what emotions may arise, just allowing presence for whatever happens. Being is a practice, presence is a practice and having rituals surround my work is paramount. Taking breaths between calls or giving those who answer options if it isn’t a good time to talk to schedule a different time. Building rapport with people takes time. I have a ritual of writing a poem around the condolence card envelope (picture in the uploaded photos) as a way for the person to have to take the card and rotate it in order to read it. Grief is universal. It’s messy. It’s not linear in any way, shape, or form so taking my time to hand-write notes is one of the ways I connect, reach out and let those in our program know we care and are here to support them if needed. I envision each person I am calling as if it is someone I care deeply about because each life is sacred, each death is sacred, and ultimately each grieving person is sacred, too.
When I started in December of 2022, it took about one year to expand our in person grief gathering from 2 people to about consistently 6 people coming in person. I did this by setting up a circle of chairs, tea lights, and creating a different topic for each month so people had time to think about it and share their experience with others. Since there is no manual on how to navigate grief, we learn from each other when sharing stories with one another. The amount of knowledge and education those who attend share has expanded my understanding each month. In 2025, our group has been expanding and has had an average of about 7 people each month with last month we had 12 attend.
Our in-person sound experience for grief is where those attending can bring a yoga mat, wear comfortable clothing, and have space to sit down or lay down. I set up various instruments and usually begin with an opening letting everyone know it’ s a safe space to be just as you are, share a grief poem or reading, and then begin playing sound bowls, buffalo drum, harmonium, shaker, ocean drum, koshi chimes, etc and it’s a space for allowing the vibrations of sound and vocals to be received by all those who attend. When it’s over, everyone just gathers their belongings and leaves. This has been the most popular attended grief program and I think it’s because people don’t have to talk and they can just be, show up, and allow the vibration to transform what they are feeling, cry, and receive and then leave. It’s an individual yet community support without having to share their grief with others.
Those who are grieving can process it internally, externally, and sometimes both. The sound allows people to be with other grievers in community and sharing the experience of sound that may be helpful when navigating grief since it’s an individual experience surrounded by community.
Creating sacred rituals usually gathering from nature and loved ones favorite things, living altars, and memorial altars, ways to honor life for Topkare annual memorials each year, collecting shells from the San Diego beaches and then each week during our meetings to talk about those who transitioned would write initials on a shell for each human life, and light a tea light and say their name. This past year I collected feathers from nature and used dissolvable paper to write initials, recite their name and use a feather to represent the human life and will be used in the annual memorial to release back to nature and include a water ceremony. Last year we created a nature mourning altar with shells, rosemary, lavender and collected shells and released them back to nature and blew bubbles to send loved ones messages and blessings. (see picture from our bi-weekly meetings)
Finding simple, inexpensive, and meaningful ways to create healing rituals for community members to join in on Topkare’s Hospice Annual Memorial. I include nature and bring hope as individuals navigate transitioning and grief and showing life and death is best surrounded by community.
Examples of rituals can be seen in the submitted pictures (Roses floating on water & Me on gathering the stones to release) wrote initials on each stone and creating a heart altar and a rose for each person who attended that services and released both roses and stones back to nature.
At Topkare Hospice, our vision is to transform the end of life experience ensuring that every patient and family affected by a life-limiting illness receives meaningful, personalized, and compassionate care. We envision a world where everyone has the opportunity to experience dignity, comfort, and choice in their final moments.
(Check out two separate team pictures)
Topkare Hospice is a small hospice that offers monthly free education for all staff members whether it’s grief, various end of life specialties, or as in the picture submitted (home funerals and body shrouding rituals and options for loved ones to know about as a way to help the grieving process and also honor the loved one that has transitioned) Topkare has outside speakers come in and share information, offerings, and education to the staff. We’ve had trust attorneys, grief experts, different body dispositions, water cremation, etc. to help staff stay informed of various options that are available in the end-of-life field.
One of the first examples and pictures submitted is a picture of a woman with her loved ones and her final wish was to go to Hawaii and put her feet in the sand one last time. We helped make that last wish a reality and the photo is Topkare Hospice’s first hospice patient. This is a REAL LIFE example of how we help create individualized care plans for each person who chooses our hospice services.
Another thing that sets Topkare Hospice apart from other hospice’s is our Bereavement Program Offerings that are all Free! I manage all these programs. We have partnered with Pacific College School of Health and Science Acupuncture Student Program to offer free weekly auricular acupuncture treatments with sound experience and also Individual Acupuncture Treatments to employees, bereaved loved ones, community members to give them holistic treatments and a sacred space to gather with others in a relaxed community setting to soak in self care and be with others who are grieving.
(See two submitted photos of the ambiance spa-like setting created for this weekly offering to have a serene atmosphere) Group-like community setting of chairs set up in a circle and live sound instruments and vocals played as those receive auricular treatments. The individual setting is where a person gets a one on one appointment with the student intern and has the option to sit down in a chair or lie down on the ground to receive a custom individualized treatment for their specific needs.
We understand grief is not linear and having various options for those who are grieving is important. There is no timeline, no right or wrong way to grieve as it is unique to the individual. We offer a once a month free sound experience for grief where you can show up just as you are and receive vibrational sounds and vocals to allow you to process and see for yourself what it feels like. We offer one free monthly grief zoom circle (Last Tuesday of the month and one free monthly in-person grief gathering (2nd Tuesday of each month) Both happen from 6-7pm PST). Additionally, we have mindful meditations monthly and had to pause when Instagram put a 1,000 minimum on Instagram lives and are in the process of recording meditations to upload to our YouTube page. (See website for more details at www.topkare.com/events
Showing up seeing how I can help, and offering suggestions and can pivot and how I can help in a moments notice and sometimes that looks like presence, other times it’s explaining the transitioning and active dying signs, other times it’s asking questions and just being comfortable in the uncomfortable, I am known to give individual grief bags to existing private clients as I’m leaving for them to have (grief and gratitude journal), Creating spur-of-the-moment rituals (example flowers were in a room and 3 women were going to do a sound experience as their best friend was transitioning and I asked if each of them wanted to take a rose and as I was setting up my musical instruments each friend took a petal and shared with their friend what they were grateful for, a prayer and a thank you to say quietly, in her ear or outloud. The friend was covered in rose petals as the sound vibrations played as they all laid around her. She died that night.
A great-grandson loved music and I showed up with my instruments and let him play for his great grandpa and sang intuitively as he was transitioning and it was a beautiful, magical experience to bring the entire family together and they took videos they will cherish and remember for a lifetime.
Sound Experiences for Grief/transitioning-playing various instruments and vocals to listen to receive and be with other grievers in community.
In-person and Online Grief Support
Each birth is sacred and different and each death is sacred and different.
Creating End of Life Plans-Comfort Questionnaire
Playing at a funeral, celebration of life, public speaking, death education, grief education
I can put together a Memorial on a tight budget.
I can create memorial photo slideshows to play during the services or celebrations of life.
I can create programs for memorials, services, funerals, celebrations of life.
I feel like my gift is that I am a bridge to help people transition to the next phase.
I don’t have all the answers and all of it is the unknown, I’m just a humble guide with a grateful heart that I get invited to be a small piece of life’s story during a sacred transition. I am thankful and honored when the opportunities present themselves to me whether it’s through a patient at hospice or a private client.
I never know when the next time will be and I also love educating, talking and being with others in community to normalize the life, death and grief conversations.
I’m so proud of myself for taking the leap of faith. My husband was and is my biggest cheerleader and he told me when you finally find what your new career path is you will ask and wish you would have taken the jump earlier. He was right.
Spending time with people transitioning actually teaches me how to live. Each moment is a gift. Each breath is a gift. Life is magical and tragic at the same time. Change is inevitable and the only constant. It’s how we respond and show up. We all think we are going to live to be 100 and it may or may not be true. Time will tell.
I am able to create, build a brand, lead with authenticity under minimal supervision with an entrepreneur heart to be of service and open to do trades, and other exchanges for services. If I could do it for free I would.
My calm presence, mediator, advocate, and the ability to collaborate with the community and other team members and I am able to take charge and lead when needed.
So maybe we end on discussing what matters most to you and why?
My beloved Husband Brendan and Boston Terrier Petunia. They have been my biggest cheerleaders and the biggest encouragement to take a leap of faith to find and live my life’s purpose. My husband has been living his passion as his career for most of his life. He brokers vintage VW Buses and parts for collectors all over the world. He’s been working for himself and has been an example of following your passion and can also make a career/living out of it.
Ever since I’ve been involved in the end-of-life space it is constantly humbling me to reflect, and really SLOW down, and SOAK up the pauses of life, the little things are the BIG things and the more I spend with those transitioning they really TEACH me how to LIVE LIFE LOUD, and cherish the simple things in life-watching the sunsets, getting up early, dog walks, and soaking up nature as much as I can and spending quality time with those I love.
Life moves so fast and there is only so much time, money and energy we can put our attention to so I’ve been focusing on whatever it is I am doing can I be as present as possible whether it’s doing laundry, getting ready, talking to a friend, grocery shopping, Is there a way to embrace being in the liminal space even we are moving through everyday life.
I have a quote on my desk that is from Anonomous-“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the places and moments that take our breath away.”
Cherishing Quality over Quantity.
Pricing:
- Free Weekly Auricular & Individual Acupuncture
- Free Monthly In Person Grief Gathering
- Free Monthly Online Grief Zoom Circle
- Free Monthly Sound Experience for Grief
- Free Meditations
Contact Info:
- Website: www.topkare.com or www.topkare.com/events
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/topkarehospice and https://www.instagram.com/harmoniumdeathdoula
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/topkarehospice
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/topkare-hospice-a6745421a
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@topkarehospicesandiego
Image Credits
Bio Picture Bree Banning rest of pictures were taken by Topkare Staff
