Today we’d like to introduce you to Glenda Office
Hi Glenda, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I retired from the Air Force in December 2015, and my husband and I decided to move to San Diego to be around family. My mother-in-law was up in years, and I wanted to spend more time with her in her last days. What I couldn’t see coming was my father’s unexpected stroke on July 5, 2016, and then his death on November 27, 2017. His death shook me to my core.
My experience with a funeral home during my father’s death was disappointing and focused more on money than on our needs. Since my father was a Bishop, there was a lot of pressure on us for public viewing and services. My sister Alisia and I are more private people, but we ultimately decided to honor the public’s request, even though we were heartbroken and used our credit cards to pay for everything. No one ever asked us what we truly wanted; it was all about what the public needed. We ended up choosing a public viewing, followed by a funeral and cremation. This was not at all what we wanted, but it felt like what was expected of us. It was a horrible experience.
Later, while working as a cemetery salesperson, I learned more about the different types of services available. As I asked more questions, I gained a better understanding of state laws and requirements. I transitioned from general cemetery sales to at-need cemetery sales, and that is when I truly became aware of the complexities involved.
I learned that the state of California does not require embalming or the use of a vault. These requirements are determined by the specific cemetery or funeral home chosen. According to the California Consumer Guide to Cemetery and Funeral Purchases, under the heading “Home Death Care,” families are not obligated to hire a funeral home and have full control over the disposition of their deceased loved ones.
However, there are several steps they must complete:
1. File a properly completed Certificate of Death, signed by the attending physician or coroner, with the local registrar of births and deaths, which is usually part of the local county health department.
2. Obtain a Permit for Disposition from the local registrar of births and deaths.
3. Provide a casket or other suitable container.
4. Make arrangements directly with the cemetery, crematory, or hydrolysis facility.
Additionally, be aware that if you or your loved one will not be embalmed or refrigerated as required by law for a funeral establishment, you must be prepared to care for the deceased, as the rate of decomposition can vary from person to person.
When this truly sank in, I realized that the mandatory paperwork I had been handing to every family I served—without ever reading it—was actually giving me permission to assist them in a different way. This was the start of my real journey. I recognized that while working at the cemetery, I wasn’t serving families in the way I truly wanted. I wanted to support them from beginning to end, to stand by their side and enable them to be more involved. This was the missing piece. I looked around and didn’t see anyone helping families in this way until I met Eric Putt.
Eric Putt was one of the founders of THRESHOLDS Home and Family-Directed Funerals. After meeting him and hearing his story, I felt inspired to train under his guidance to become a Funeral Director. The mission of THRESHOLDS, which is designed to serve families, resonated deeply with me. I realized that this was where I needed to be and the work I was meant to do, marking the beginning of my journey.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
As anyone who has taken the California Funeral Directors Examination can attest, becoming a funeral director has not been easy. Preparing for the exam was particularly challenging for me because I am dyslexic. I had to commit a significant amount of information to long-term memory and also tackle my test anxiety. It took me two tries to pass the California Funeral Directors Examination.
Dealing with the electronic death registration system in California presents significant challenges. The system could be more user-friendly, and more support is needed when issues arise. It also lacks essential notifications that should be integrated. When I voice my concerns, the response I receive is often, “The system is fine; it’s user error.” With my background in computer programming, the system’s flaws and the lack of support could be more manageable. I have little hope for improvement and worry that any potential replacement could be even worse.
Another challenge is the industry itself. Other funeral directors often see my focus on home funerals and family involvement as a disservice rather than a service. They do not recognize the value of allowing family members to participate in caring for their deceased loved ones and are unwilling to engage in this process.
Many death doulas and other death care workers who support families until the time of death tend to harbor negative feelings toward funeral directors. They often push families to take care of their deceased relatives without offering any in-person assistance. This approach can be distressing for families who have never cared for a deceased loved one before and need guidance and support.
I believe that the real issue within the death doula community and among other death care workers stems from misinformation about the law. This misunderstanding can lead to fear, which shapes their negative attitudes toward funeral directors.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know?
THRESHOLDS is a progressive and socially responsible licensed funeral home located in San Diego. Our focus is on empowering families to take control of their arrangements. We operate within the legal framework, educating families about their rights and providing assistance with necessary tasks. Our team guides families at home as they create personalized ceremonies and experiences that best suit their needs.
You should know that “THRESHOLDS” is about the family being actively involved in the grieving and healing process. By doing the work themselves, families can begin to navigate their grief. One of the benefits of a home funeral is that the family has 24-hour access to their loved one, which is especially important for spouses and small children.
In my experience, having your loved one at home and being able to walk into the next room at any hour eases the grieving process. It’s important for your mind to register that your loved one has passed away. Waking abruptly from a dream, searching frantically at night for your spouse, and finding an empty space can be traumatic. However, if this happens during a home funeral, you can simply get up and go to the room where your loved one is present. This helps reset your mind, as you can touch them, talk to them, and remember that they have died.
Home funerals also benefit small children because they allow them all the time they need to understand that mom or dad is gone. Everyone deserves the right to grieve in their own way.
Pets also need to grieve. During a home funeral, pets can stay in the room and take all the time they need to understand that their human has died. Indeed, pets do grieve.
What do we do? We specialize in home funerals and support families in their own homes. This can involve a body being present, cremated remains/hydrolyzed remains in an urn, or a celebration of life with no remains present. We also assist families who have lost a loved one without having found a physical body.
What do we specialize in? We specialize in home funerals, assisting the family in their own home and educating families on their rights to control their loved ones’ disposition.
What sets us apart is our approach to working with families, death doulas, and medical aid in dying. Many funeral homes will not assist families who are actively seeking help or have chosen to pursue medical aid in dying. This issue is very personal for me; my father endured a painful death, and my sister passed away in April in a similarly distressing manner in Indiana. I believe that death should be a peaceful experience. I am committed to supporting people who choose to have a living funeral followed by death with the assistance of medical aid in dying. Having witnessed a loved one suffer in pain, gasping, and screaming at the end of life profoundly changes one’s perspective on death.
What I’m most proud of is that we help people during difficult times. We strive to ensure they can have the funeral or celebration of life they desire, as long as it’s within our power. We provide options and avoid rushing them. We walk alongside the family, rather than in front of them; we see ourselves as partners in this journey.
What I want readers to know about our brand is that we are your partner. We are here to teach and walk alongside you on this journey. We are also here to support Death Doulas and Death Midwives as they serve families. We believe in the value of the work they do for families. As an Air Force veteran, I am committed to offering veteran cremation pricing for as long as possible. The Chula Vista Elks Lodge inspired me to become a dedicated advocate for veterans for life.
Is there anyone you’d like to thank or give credit to?
Eric Putt mentored me and trained me to become a Funeral Director.
Elizabeth Putt guided me into business ownership.
Kim Cornado of the Chula Vista Elks Lodge for teaching me how to support veterans
David Perfito of White Rose Aqua Cremation for ongoing professional support and development
Rhonda Lopresti, a local Death Doula with whom I work and collaborate for family support.
Trina Wacasey, a home funeral arranger and medical aid in dying advocate.
Pricing:
- Direct Cremation $1,308.00
- Veteran Cremation $1,095.00
- Aqua Cremation $5,000.00
- Full Body Burial at Sea (Sail Boat) $7,000.00
- Scattering at Sea (Sail Boat) $6,000.00
Contact Info:
- Website: https://thresholdsfamilydirectedfunerals.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thresholds01
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091819248643&mibextid=LQQJ4d
