Today we’d like to introduce you to Benicio Gracia.
Hi Benicio, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I come from a lineage of farm workers and land tenders so my story was really being set up and written before I arrived, Earth side. But shortly after I did, I learned so much as a young child at the feet of my grandmothers, Benita and Elvia, who were my first teachers. They both tended to big beautiful gardens at their homes.
My Grandma Elvia has always had a gorgeous rose garden and chiles(hot peppers) to make the best and spiciest salsa ever. Sweet delicate rosas and spicy chiles really captures her duality and the essence of her being.
My Grandma B (as we called her) had all kinds of plants all the time. I used to call it the jungle as a kid because there were so many plants to roam around that it felt like getting lost in a sea of green comfort, which really speaks to her energy as well. Grandma B passed in 2014 – this was a challenging time and also a huge catalyst to deepening my connection with plants and herbalism. I took some time to grieve; and as I was navigating several transitions at that time, I leaned into my connection with my grandma as she arrived in the spirit realm.
As I grew older I expanded on their plant knowledge and I continued to research, support myself and care for my loved ones. I also began connecting with other herbalists, healers, and land tenders here in San Diego and really began to build community with her spiritual support. I learned so much as we exchanged stories and helped each other envision and prepare medicine. I’ve fostered relationships with different community farms and gardens throughout my time here which has been so important to my work.
In 2021, I completed Cecemmana, a 9 month herbal training program, with Ancestral Apothecary that was based in Oakland, which is when I officially committed to herbalism as my life’s work, to support folx and expand beyond my close circle. Supporting people through transitions has been a real constant throughout my life so that really informed the development of my practice.
Everything felt pretty fluid after that, connecting with more teachers, mentors and other folx doing this type of work. Connecting with body workers/sobadores is what led me to connect with an amazing teacher, which was so beautiful to experience. My first time learning intentionally really felt like unlocking something within me and my lineage that had been dormant and just waiting to bloom. The process of healing through touch just makes so much sense to me. When working with plants, words can be involved – but it’s definitely not necessary. The Magic really unfolds when we’re in our sensory body and connecting with energy, which is a universal language.
As I grew in understanding my medicine, there were many transitions of connections, and definitely a lot of risks in trusting people. Even though some connections were brief, I learned so much about myself and the medicine I carry through all those experiences. Many times there were challenges to my character and how I was moving in this path, which challenged me with very important questions to consider. Who am I, who do I want to be, and what do I want to offer to my community? It was a matter of letting go of anything or anyone that didn’t reflect back the visions I desired and was committing to. This involves really practicing, integrating, letting go, and not internalizing all the gunk that can come with that. That’s what truly strengthened and shaped my current practice and ensures that it’s sustainable.
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
I think it’s important to acknowledge the structures in place that intentionally create unnecessary obstacles for many of us existing at the margins. I don’t like to romanticize struggle and promote “defying the odds” because those of us who are most impacted don’t deserve that. It tokenizes us.
With that said; I’ve experienced many losses in ways that were unjust and I consistently refuse to identify with the painfulness of those experiences because I am so much more than that. These events are not erased and do have a real impact; but it’s kind of like a relationship that doesn’t serve you, a person, job, or place. You close the door, walk away, sign the document and finalize the divorce. Yes it’s hard, and can come with many feelings, but at the end you still have you and an abundance of space to rewrite a new reality. For me, not accepting the way things were and are is what moves me to create, to shred the old texts that were placed before me and write something else into existence, because we deserve something beautifully different.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
Creativity is what drives my work. I create medicine, I’m a writer. I use multiple mediums to help others heal.
I’ve worked with all kinds of people moving through different things, like loss of loved ones, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, addiction, and those having a hard time contending with existing. I pull from some of my own experiences to offer understanding but mostly I’m here to witness the bravery of someone acknowledging their truth. Oftentimes space isn’t made for that, so the pain stays stuck and isn’t encouraged to move.
Sometimes herbal support is needed, sometimes its bodywork, other times it can be working with fire, or even playing with water and trying new yummy foods. Often it is a combination of things. I’m always excited about the challenge to create new formulas together because every person is so unique. Creating together is such a magical experience.
The inner truth of someone is one of the most beautiful things to witness.
Many of us are conditioned to disconnect from our inner truth and to aspire to something that’s outside of us. The wisdom we look for is always within us, we just need others to trigger that reconnection. Relating to another and creating together is what sparks our inner memory, our power, our ancestral wisdom.
I’m so grateful to do this creative work with individuals. It is healing- not only for them but for me as well. We are literally envisioning new possibilities together and we experience things that were believed to be impossible. Regardless of the length of time we have together, when it ends they leave more embodied in their truth and so do I. Relationships are never a waste of time, for me, especially when we show up as our true selves.
What do you like best about our city? What do you like least?
I can’t say this enough but I love the plants here so much, there aren’t enough words to really capture the ways in which the land has resonated with my spirit. I love observing and taking everything in here, greeting plants, watching all the birds around them and all the creatures just existing in harmony. One that comes to mind is Artemisia californica, which I love so much. Always smells so delicious and comforting to me! I could just dive into a bush and sleep there- I’d probably have some fun dreams too! All the sages are so amazing, too! I really could go on about different plants and even birds, but I’ll move forward with more about how I feel about this place.
I moved here in 2012, and growing up in Southeast Texas, it is very different. So it felt good to just fall in love with the land here and all it has to offer.
The plants have really taught me so much about respect, and really asking for permission. Plants that are in their native habitats should be left to thrive and continue reproducing their next generations to support all the beings within their ecosystems. It’s so important to approach plants with respect and ask for consent. They’re here for all of us but it definitely is important to honor them, and the people that have tended to them for hundreds of years and honor that history.
I recognize that I’m living on occupied Kumeyaay lands and give so much thanks to their past and present work with the land. These lands are still occupied so that is definitely something that needs to change and be addressed. I know there are efforts working towards that but if you’re someone, like myself, that benefits from this geography, it’s important to pay respects to the people that were here before we settled here, by respecting their descendants and their ways of living with and caring for this land. Many of the plants I’ve worked with have been tended to by me or other people that are actively working on those intentional efforts, and relationships. I think seeing how much people love the land and their plants feels so good, it makes such a huge difference with the power of the medicine.
I love the connections I’ve made with land tenders here through farms and community gardens like Pixca Farm, and Mt Hope Community Garden, to name a few. It’s so nice to nerd out and gush about plants together and even just work together, when we can, getting our hands in the soil really builds connection with our bodies, the land, and each other.
I feel it’s been a place for reconnection and reclamation of working with the land on different terms.
My family oftentimes did not have a say in their work and were unjustly exploited for their labor to make others richer. So it’s extremely important for me to honor them, those who have passed on, as well as those still here, by advocating for myself and my community with the privileges I have access to. I think being away from where I grew up truly facilitated a lot of healing in my lineage because a lot of it is quite deep, hundreds of years of harm, so for me stepping away from that geography of struggle that is directly connected to me made such a huge difference.
I got to meet people here with their own histories, but I didn’t have a direct attachment to that, so it helped me see things with fresh eyes. There was no fogginess obstructing my view, so I was able to really see more possibilities here and move forward with growing and learning.
I also had more space to connect with my true self and really expand beyond the gender and binary limitations I grew up with. I met amazing people living their truth, and I’m so honored to call some of them my chosen family. I think that’s really had the most powerful impact. Many of them no longer live here, but this was the place we connected and that’s a huge part of what makes it special. Seeing them and loving them guided me towards offering the same to myself and committing to that. I have had access to more than I ever imagined possible because of the amazing work of Black Trans Women, and Trans elders that didn’t accept the way things were, like Ms Tracie Jada O’Brien. Thanks to her and many others, I get to be here and live my truth.
It has not been an easy experience and has definitely come with some roadblocks and delays, but all her children know that she’s there, and it makes such a difference to know someone has your back in that way.
I’m also happy to share that I’m in the midst of the next part of my transformation, as I had gender affirming surgery about a month ago. There are many feelings there, but overall I’m grateful to be moving forward and honoring myself, in this way.
I’m currently recovering well at home and am welcoming community support as I am unable to work and serve others in the ways I normally do. Sharing my story and all your contributions to my fundraiser are greatly appreciated.
I have been sitting in so much gratitude to be in a place to receive care from those who have been showing up for me in so many supportive ways. I am excited and looking forward to serving my wonderful community, after I’ve fully recovered from this long awaited transformation.
I’m truly grateful to be experiencing this here, in a place where I have fallen in love with the land, plants, people, and myself. For some of us that can be different geographies than the one we were born into, to feel that kind of healing impact. This space and place has definitely been that for me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://aguitas-astrales.square.site/
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Gofundme: https://gofund.me/ba37fa7d
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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aguitas.astrales?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
Image Credits
Personal photo: taken by Sara J Sparks
Photo of Benicio looking through orange binoculars : taken by Kevin Raquidan
Photo of Benicio cutting orange Cempaxochitl flowers: taken by Luz Evora
* all other photos taken by self (Benicio)
