Today we’d like to introduce you to Alejandra Chayet.
So, before we jump into specific questions about what you do, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
To understand how and why I got to where I am today working with children, families, and in the field of sexology, you first need to know about my life passions.
My first stop in the field of psychology was in child development and education. This passion presented itself in high school through a Child Development elective and an internship student-teaching at Beth Montessori, after which I decided to pursue elementary education for my bachelor’s degree. I focused on Special Education and planned to later pursue a master’s degree in Special Education.
During the summer of my junior year I interned at the Winston school, an institution that supports children and teens with learning differences. During my time there, I found myself drawn to helping these students cope with emotional distress every chance I had a free moment from teaching, soon realizing that I wanted to do that professionally. It was through my experience working with learning disabilities that I realized I wanted to get myself to a place where I could focus on helping people on an emotional level rather than an academic one.
From here, I pursued a Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the University of San Diego, where I am currently an adjunct professor today. During my time at USD, I was fortunate enough to be a support system for a courageous friend that was going through treatment for a female sexual disorder. Through this exposure, I realized, not only did I have an inherent interest in sex therapy, but that I wanted to become specifically involved in women’s sexual health and wellness.
Once I began to explore the field, I soon became outraged at the lack of advocacy around female sexual dysfunction and the taboo that continued to persist around sex, not only in traditional communities but in society as a whole, to the point where so many people still suffered in silence. The pain and shame that so many, like my friend, had endured for years, sometimes decades, was unfathomable to me. I could not simply stand by, I had to put myself in a position to contribute to the progression of the field. My friend was fortunate to have received the education from her well-informed OBGYN, as well as to have had the means to seek out treatment not covered by insurance, but I learned of so many others who were not as lucky and continued to live the majority of their lives believing that something was wrong with them, when, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
And so, the fire was lit beneath me. I developed a handful of research projects that focused on female sexual dysfunction, specifically the benefit of Mindfulness practice on female sexual functioning and ended up specializing in Sexual Dysfunction Disorders with the support of my mentors. I went on to obtain my clinical license, working first with survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence during my Master’s program, and doing my post-graduate work at Rady Children’s Hospital Outpatient Psychiatry. Both of these clinical positions confirmed my passion for working as a Sexologist and I continued to pursue Sex Therapist educational training through starting my Ph.D. in Human Sexuality in San Francisco at California Institue of Integral Studies.
Doing what I love is a privilege that I do not take for granted. When I think about where I am today, with the incredible fortune to be running my own private practice and helping people embrace their sexuality and love themselves more each and every day, I take a moment to thank the universe for my journey and putting me right where I was meant to be.
Has it been a smooth road?
I would say that the greatest obstacle I have encountered thus far on my journey has been myself, specifically self-doubt. I have faced moments along my journey in which I have doubted myself and my capabilities, allowing negative self-talk to question whether I was “good enough” to pursue what I wanted. Fortunately, I have the most amazing support system that has always been there to remind me of my potential and what I have to offer. Apart from my family and friends, I have also been blessed with the most inspiring and supportive mentors that have helped guide and support me. I think it is vital to always be grateful and have present at the forefront of my mind that I did not get to where I am today alone. It takes a village, and it is a collection of inspirational moments that together continue to motivate me to stay driven and remember the meaning behind my goals.
Together, my husband, family, friends, and professional mentors have always helped guide me back to my place of confidence where I can come back and reconnect to the universe, my higher purpose, and remember that I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Alright – so let’s talk business. What else should we know about you and your career so far?
My private practice focuses on relationships, intimacy, and sex therapy. I specialize in Sexual Health and Wellness and am passionate about the power of connection between mind, body and spirit. What this means is that I believe we cannot work with one while ignoring the other (e.g., our stress can sometimes give us a physical headache, just as a headache can affect our mood and emotional state).
I view sexual health as a fundamental value and essential piece of mind/body/spiritual health and well-being, in all of its forms and variations, and is unique to each individual. It requires a positive approach to pleasure and balances sexual rights with safety and non-coercion. I consider sexual health as part of the basic pillars of health alongside mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. It looks, feels, smells & sounds different to everyone – which is why I consider my client(s) the expert of their own life. Before moving forward in treatment, it is important I first find out what having a “healthy” or “ideal” sex life looks like for my client and/or for the relationship.
Most of my work involves intimacy, helping clients align their behaviors with their values, coming from a place of love and vulnerability versus fear and anxiety. I practice through a holistic lens and a mindful perspective, helping clients connect to their vulnerability and authentic self by teaching them tools and supporting them as they put them into practice at their own pace.
As a Sex Therapist, I consider myself a relational therapist, starting with the relationship we have with ourselves. I value vulnerability, authenticity, being present in the moment, and working on the relationship we have with ourselves through expanding self-love and self-compassion before working on relationships with others. Mindfulness and self-compassion techniques are a strong part of my practice and are often interwoven into sessions as I challenge the ways in which we, as human beings, can be self-critical and suffer with the pain of shame. I value mindfulness practice techniques as I hold the belief that by being present in the moments we experience can shift our perspective from negative thoughts to more positive ones, thus reducing symptoms. Self-compassion practice teaches us to have a more loving relationship with the self, cultivating acceptance and nonjudgmental presence to combat shame. I have found the expansion of self-love to reduce depression, anxiety, and stress for my clients. Research supports that the power of mindfulness and self-compassion practice can contribute to a more positive self-image, reduce rumination and worry, reduce sadness, increase resiliency, develop a healthier relationship with food, decrease addiction, enhance the quality of relationships, expand joy, and increase focus.
I work with individuals, couples and families. This includes children, adolescents and adults. I am an LGBTQ ally and my practice is kink- and poly-friendly. My work with adults includes: exploring sexual narratives around shame; sexual trauma; self-image issues; erectile dysfunction; performance anxiety; understanding desire & arousal patterns; couples work on sexual temperaments and mismatched libidos; sexual lifestyle; painful intercourse; orgasm difficulty or concerns; and the interplay of religion and spirituality with sex.
Working with youth and their families will always continue to be a passion of mine. My aim is to empower children, teens and parents to advocate for themselves while supporting their unique journey and offering parenting, communication and self-care skills to promote personal growth and family unity. I have over eight years of experience working with youth and families, first as an Educational Therapist in the San Diego community and most recently as a clinician providing child and family therapy at Rady Children’s Hospital Outpatient Psychiatry. As a Jewish Mexican-American woman I also have a special interest and expertise in traditional cultures and communities, helping parents talk to their kids about sex through positive parenting and understanding the sociocultural, and sometimes religious, messages that impact our views of sexual health as a collective society.
In my work with parents and youth, I help offer support to parents who are challenged with answering the difficult questions related to sexual health and may not always be confident in how to answer. My work with parents includes: creating a sex-positive environment in the home; learning the language to use with children when discussing sexual health; supporting transition through puberty; psychoeducation on safe sex practices; and supporting a child who is exploring gender identity or sexual orientation. I support teens and young adults on issues pertaining to gender, sexual orientation and other identity issues. I also enjoy helping enhance communication and relationship quality between parents and children experiencing conflict.
What I love most about my practice is that I have the privilege of helping people develop intimacy in a healthy way that is authentic to them, both with the self and in relationships with others. I consider it an honor to be witness to this personal journey for so many and am continuously touched by the personal growth that they experience.
In addition to my private practice, I teach the graduate-level Advanced Human Sexuality course at USD, helping therapists in training feel more comfortable around issues regarding human sexuality in preparation for being out in the field helping others, and am continuing to expand my expertise in sexual health as I complete my Ph.D. in Human Sexuality at California Institute of Integral Studies. In my free time, I love running, practicing yoga, traveling, and spending time with my family, including my yellow Labrador, Zoë).
How do you think the industry will change over the next decade?
I believe that we all could benefit from someone to talk to. My hope is that education around mental health and counseling, in general, continues to grow more with time so that the taboo and shame cease to exist and people can feel more comfortable seeking services for themselves.
Personally I hope to continue to contribute to this growth through using my voice and positionality to empower others to show up for themselves and act from a place of love and vulnerability, versus fear, anxiety or shame. I believe that by expanding our self-love and self-compassion individually, we can all expand the loving-kindness and compassion that we have for others. We cannot give oxygen to others if our oxygen tank is running on empty. As therapists, we are not an exception to the importance of self-care, and I am fully aware that each and every day. I cannot show up fully and service my clients with my full presence in session if I do not do what I need to do to take care of myself outside of session, before and after. I take this very seriously and interpret my self-care as part of my role as a therapist.
When it comes to Sexual Health, I take my role as a speaker in the community and an adjunct professor as an opportunity to inspire others. As a professor to therapists-in-training, my hope is to help guide therapists to feel more comfortable talking about sex with their future clients by helping them learn more about human sexuality and gain comfort in using the language, clinical skills, and nonjudgmental perspective while maintaining professionalism around such intimate and personal topics. My aim is that together, as a mental health community, we can create a safe space for all. As a speaker in the community, specifically school settings, I hope to bring a more inclusive perspective to sex education than what has traditionally existed, including discussion and education around topics such as consent and the importance of talking about pleasure.
My hope is that the mental health field will recognize sexual health as a basic pillar to mental health in a significant way so that all individuals seeking out mental health services can be welcomed into a safe space to explore all parts of themselves, including their sexuality.
Contact Info:
- Address: 2729 Fourth Avenue, Suite 3
- Website: alejandrachayet.com
- Phone: 619-900-4991
- Email: alejandrachayet@gmail.com
- Instagram: mindfulsexologist
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Alejandra-Chayet-LPCC-597973764063963/?ref=bookmarks
- Other: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alejandra-chayet-m-a-lpcc-80b00b67/
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