Meet Tari Mannello of Closeness in Mission Valley

Today we’d like to introduce you to Tari Mannello.

Thanks for sharing your story with us Tari. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.

We are entering the age of artificial intelligence. Anything we want or want to learn about is at our fingertips. Yet still, it’s almost impossible to truly learn and expertly implement skills in the sexual realm, yet most people balk at the idea of a sex coach. Some of us watch pornography. Some of us compare notes with our guy or girlfriends. But when it really comes down to how to have phenomenal sex, seduce your partner, or build hot chemistry and desire, I think we all get a little stuck. How do you inspire someone to want you? How do you get your partner to desire you when you want it to happen naturally or you think it should? Reading online and watching videos on YouTube teaches us perhaps how to get the guy, or what we’re doing wrong in the dating and courting phases. But the moment we talk actual sex- most of us get a little squeamish.

Many of us are in long-term committed relationships with families where, exploring sexuality — even with the intention to get better at it— has been a foregone thought for a long, long time. Perhaps sex has become routine, habitual or it checks something off a list. For others maybe they are too tired, or it feels like work. It’s almost impossible to find exceptional sexual insights that will change the course of your intimate relationship.

For my entire adult life I noticed a strong lack in this department. Enter the world of Intimacy Coaching and Sex Coaching.

As you are reading this: what would you say to someone if they asked you how to have mind bending sex? Or get out of a romance slump? Or get back the chemistry you used to have? Half of the population just believes it’s “there or it’s not.” Is the advice different for a man than it is for a woman? The tired therapy advice of scheduling sex or having date night for most couples can fall flat and doesn’t open them up to wanting to be sexual with each other. While effective for some, it can also lead to resentment and further expectations… or waiting around for something to happen.

Sex by itself is easy. We know where things go and where to put them. Sexuality is hard and complex. Emotions are hard to navigate. Having regular, great sex is extremely hard to figure out for most couples. A lot has to happen to make it look and feel effortless. Sometimes a lot has to happen to help her orgasm.

For example, there are many things that women need in long-term relationships in order to feel safe and sexual that they don’t always need when they are young and single. However, it’s extremely difficult for most women to vocalize these needs. They may verbalize it as, “the little things,” or if they have talked about it, they feel like a broken record, repeating themselves over and over again because he just wont address it. This is all likely because he does not know what to do, how to do it or where to start.

Again enter sex and intimacy coaching. Sexuality is hard and complex.

So where do you go for a sexual tune up? Can you actually teach your man how to be sexy or sexual? If you have mismatched sex drives, or the man is less sexual and less sexually aggressive than his female partner, can anything be done about that?

I created a company named Closeness based on answering a big, juicy yes to these questions. I saw an “industry” that hadn’t been tapped into, and sought to create something special for singles and couples to get this part of their life handled. But there had to be more… most people don’t like sitting on a couch across from a therapist who nods and says tell me more… I had a specific desire to make it fun and exciting in the process.

I created a few things that didn’t exist before:
Closeness and Closeness.com is many things: It’s an audio podcast with 80 episodes of evergreen content. It’s a collection of fun shorts and videos. And it’s a place for people to schedule IN PERSON, or virtual visits to get real sexual guidance, or intimacy coaching.

So people from around the globe come in to the office to work out the kinks (and kinks) in their relationship! If you’re super stressed out, and your relationship is wrought with pain, we certainly don’t dive into the sex stuff straight away. Sometimes we need to iron out past resentments, or work on many other things before speaking or engaging in a sexual way.

Unfortunately, people seem to think that sex coaching means having sex in front of someone or having to be sexual in front of someone and this is not at all true. However, I have created optional exercises that can be very suggestive or spicy if you will, and can ramp up quickly for the couple or single woman who wants to learn and explore!

I created something that — I believe — hasn’t been done before, which is effectively sexual guidance. I show you how it’s done (at least the first stages) and you get to fill in the blanks. If you’re unsure how to seduce, approach, touch or build sexual tension with your female partner, I’m the guy who respectfully and attentively shows you how – and the coolest part is, you get to see her whole energy, state and body change before your eyes when you get it right. All of this is a skill like anything else, and it can be learned.

If you’re not quite ready to come in for a session, the Closeness podcast is free and helps you get to know me and my style so our sessions can be more effective.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?

Speaking freely and authentically about sex and intimacy is not as easy as one might imagine; even in Southern California. When we talk about sex, people usually expect one of a few things: drama, trauma, something pornographic or something clinical. Instead, I try to toe the line between something sensual, fun, and engaging, while also making sure you learn and have things to take home and work on. Sex and sensuality needs to be fun but it also needs to be taken seriously. Just ask any woman whose partner never takes it seriously, so she never gets turned on.

Of course some clients will come in with very particular needs, and very delicate situations. Many of us aren’t as trusting as we would like to be. Many of us who need help the most, bristle at the thought of another professional helping. Some people come and sit down in my sofa and just stare at me and expect me to “fix” them. Others are so nervous, that they can only manage one or two short sentences and the sessions can move forward slowly. I think the best way to get people to come in for a consultation is to realize that they really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

What is the cost of staying single and not having great sex or intimacy? What is the cost of continuing to interact with your partner the way you have for the last 3-30 years? Who cares about romantic getaways and vacations if there is no romance and no closeness? We need change.

While it might be nerve-racking to book an intimacy coaching session, the hardest part is just getting it on your calendar and coming in. Once you do, I can take the reins from there and do everything I can to make sure you both feel comfortable, and learn something new and exciting.

A common blockage for many couples is when there is a female with a very high sex drive, who has married a very nice and sweet man. Inevitably he winds up not being a very sexual or sensual person at all and a lot of work needs to be done. If this is you, this might be one reason to take intimacy coaching seriously. Often, women will bring their husbands in or come in alone to amp up or ramp up their skill set and sexuality to help him become a better lover.

Sometimes women want to get to know themselves more, understand their bodies better, or understand how to make themselves reach orgasm, Others like to come in alone to talk through some sensitive issues that they need to get out but haven’t felt safe to say out loud anywhere else.

Most of us pretend we do not need help. But we need it. We all do. I believe that the sooner we can get over the idea that “things should just work,” or “my man or woman should already know how to do this,” the better.

Please tell us more about your work, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.

Being able to touch the lives of hundreds of thousands of people through the podcast has meant a lot to me. I’m extremely proud of that and the work that I’ve put into it. And as much as I’d love to continue to be impactful on a global level, it’s really the one on one moments that warm my heart. It’s also the place where I see the most impactful change.

For most, a Closeness Intimacy Coaching session acts as a reset button or breaker switch in the relationship. It works whether you’ve been together for a few months or 30 years. Yes, people who just started dating, even after a few weeks, have come to Closeness because it’s never to early to start! Couples who have been together 40 plus years also come in for a tune-up!

I have found that being intimate, sexual and sensual is something that often comes more intuitively to women than men but it doesn’t have to be that way. Many women seem to know how to touch, or how to be passionate, but don’t have the desire to lead the interaction. Being able to teach men how to be more confident and assertive with their partner, and having them see this change in their partner — that is super rewarding. Every man and woman can relate to how good it feels when your partner desires you.

And then, assuming that clients aren’t in severe chaos or pain, many couples report that they go home and have sex that night! Or at least during the time between our visits. Even though I’m not married to any idea of quantity or how much anyone should or should not be having sex, doing it is still important! It’s one of the most important parts to people in most relationship relationships.

We live in a consent based world. Yet so often, female partners don’t want their male partner to ask consent or permission or to check in too many times. This is unique to each relationship of course course and I think consent is paramount… however most female clients report that they wished their man would be a little more assertive, or decisive, or DESIROUS of her. I’m proud of being able to teach this in an extremely healthy way that allows consent to be prioritized for everyone who wants or needs it while also giving women, exactly what they crave.

What moment in your career do you look back most fondly on?

At this point it has been about a decade of daily work with thousands and thousands of couples.
There is real “work” happening in every session. I think I am most fond of seeing people realize that there is so much more to life than working, chores and taking care of others. There is a life that is rich and resplendent with touch, connection, pleasure, fun and it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t even require penetration. But there’s a huge difference between having zero intimacy, and having some sensuality, some excitement, some sexual tension in your relationship.

I find it incredible that sometimes after only a few moments of interacting, people’s perspectives, and mindset can shift entirely. A lot of us carry pain, concern, fear, etc., and if I can help, you unlock that look of pleasure and desire from your partner once again, then I’m doing my job correctly. I hope to meet you soon!

IN PERSON, VIRTUAL AND PHONE APPOINTMENTS with Tari 

Image Credit:
Yohann Guichard

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