Today we’d like to introduce you to Cuyla Coogan.
Cuyla, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
For most of my life, I have hidden my truth. On the outside, I always looked like the perfect kid and scholar-athlete. I was always striving to be the best I could be in school, in sports, and my career. That striving was done solo. I tried to do things on my own, without asking for help or telling people what was going on inside me. I put on a show that everything was great and I was happy. But the truth was that I was struggling deeply inside. Even though I was getting good grades, excelling in sports, getting into the colleges of my dreams, and getting hired for every job I ever wanted, I didn’t truly FEEL successful.
I hid that I was gay for over 14 years. That hiding manifested into severe acne in high school and generalized anxiety disorder. I hid my acne with makeup everyday. I had it all over my back, arms, and face. I would put my arm up and cover my face when talking to people as often as I could so people couldn’t see the pimples. I would hide in the classroom at lunch so I had less time looking at people. I played basketball and strived to play in college but couldn’t reach my potential because all I thought about was how ugly I felt and how much I hated everyone looking at my face while playing. Shooting free throws was absolute torture for me – everyone on the line and the fans in the stadium, staring at my pimple face. That’s all I thought about.
When I was diagnosed with anxiety, I started having panic attacks every day for years. I would hide it around my friends and family. If I were in a restaurant and I felt it coming up, I would hide that I was having a panic attack and act like everything was ok. I would sometimes go to the bathroom to take breaths and say mantras or walk outside, all of that didn’t help much. I then went on a mission to find a way out of the anxiety. I read books, listened to podcasts, went to therapy, and felt like I had tried everything to break free. Nothing was working.
I went on a path of self-discovery for over 10 years. Along my journey, I met my coach and mentor, Greg Clowminzer. I did his 3-day experience and it changed my life forever. I found a deeper feeling and understanding within myself that has set my soul on FIRE. Now, I am a Transformational Life Coach and Speaker. I am taking aligned committed action every day to pursue what I believe I am here to do. I create transformative experiences for queer leaders so they stop getting sidetracked by self-sabotage and people-pleasing so they can live their life’s mission.
Has it been a smooth road?
I went pretty deep into the challenges I faced in the last question but one thing I want to point out is that my anxiety and suicidal thoughts came AFTER I “came out”. What I have found to be true not only for myself but for others who identify as queer or LGBTQ+, is that people assume that once someone “comes out” they are then able to be authentically themselves. If anything, the hardest times of my life came after I came out. It was a huge adjustment for me to adapt to being comfortable in public, being gay. And even when I felt more comfortable about being openly gay, I still felt there was something I was seeking. I was still seeking peace. I didn’t feel calm and loved. I felt like something was still wrong with me.
We’d love to hear more about your work.
People often ask me, why are you working with the queer community? Why not just serve “people”? This is a valid question. When I look at my story, I see how hiding my truth and part of my identity prevented me from truly being myself and enjoying life. I see the rates of homelessness and suicide in the U.S. and how such a large portion are individuals who identify within the LGBTQ+ community. Over 40% of homeless youth in the U.S. identify as LGBTQ+. A primary reason why this is happening is because they have to flee from a home that isn’t accepting of their sexuality. I see an opportunity here for better education for parents so they can learn to have meaningful connections and relationships with their kids, along with the need for queer youth to connect with one another through community so they can feel loved and accepted for who they truly are. I feel a deep calling to take action on this. When I stray away from this mission, I actually have an uncomfortable feeling. When I work towards it, I light up inside. I feel a fire inside me expand. I have tried to deny this knowing for years because it meant I would be “coming out” everyday and telling people what I do every time someone asks me. I am no longer waiting and denying it. The time is now.
As a Transformational Life Coach and Speaker I currently offer 1-1 and group coaching online and in person in San Diego. What I do is help queer leaders stop getting sidetracked by self-sabotage and people-pleasing so they can live their life’s mission. But really what I do is I help people COME ALIVE! Haha
I am working on launching intiatives for parents of queer youth, along with group coaching programs for queer youth. As a Speaker, I am currently working on my TEDx Talk to be on stage by Spring 2020.
Let’s touch on your thoughts about our city – what do you like the most and least?
I LOVE San Diego. It is my favorite place in the world. What I love the most about San Diego is the community. I feel at home here. I have found a community of like-minded purpose-driven individuals who are on a mission to create a better world. What I least like about San Diego is the cost of living BUT it is worth every penny living here.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.cuyla.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cuylacoogan/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cuyla.coogan
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/CuylaCoogan
- Other: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYrD8NRjdMPpPS48lP0bHFw
- FREE private Facebook group for Queer Leaders: https://www.facebook.com/groups/queerleader/?fref=mentions
Image Credit:
Denver Miller (picture of me holding girl in the air)
Evan Galeano (image of me under the bridge and on the beach)
Alex Pardus (image of me holding the microphone)
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