Today we’d like to introduce you to Jairus Pacelo.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Jairus. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
I started acting in high school, in a small, eclectic black box theatre hidden in the heart of the school. A lot of my life, leading up to freshman year, was all about grades. The only creative outlet I had was writing in journals or quietly crafting together gifts for my Mother’s Day gift. But, when I came to high school and was introduced to the world of drama, something clicked. In the four years, I was at high school, I acted in, wrote, and directed plays because there was something beautiful, something human about breathing life into a world that was originally written on paper.
Today, I am currently studying at the University of California, Irvine, pursuing a major in both Drama and Gender & Sexuality Studies. I came into the university with an ambition to pursue Drama, specifically acting. But, after a few encounters with particular students, I found myself on the outside, watching the school produce shows that have historically centered the stories of white, cisgender, heterosexual bodies. I saw that people of color usually upheld these stories. Truth be told, I didn’t really go out to find productions that centered people of color. I was turned away from one peer’s comment that I only received a call back because I was Asian. I didn’t get the role, but it still hurt to know that my opportunities were limited because I was Asian.
In high school, I was ignorant of race. I had no conception of race was; I only knew I was brown and Pilipino. But, when my peer said that comment (after seeing she did not get a callback), I felt like I couldn’t find a home in the School of the Arts at UC Irvine. A comment like that, while coming from a place of hurt, does not make it right to say at all.
Thereafter, I began finding spaces that I found interesting, that stimulated my intellect and heart. That’s where I found the Department of Gender & Sexuality Studies, a profound and prolific research department dedicated to the centering and theorizing of experiences, power, and privilege with a Black feminist pedagogical framework. Classes within this department gave me home in fellow kindred spirits and professors, all working together to understand the ways power is connected to nationalism, religion, social movements, representations, among the many other topics we study at the School of Gender & Sexuality Studies.
I had found a school where feminism was taught, advocated for, and practiced each day. Which is why, when I came back to the School of the Arts to act in a production of a play by a Pilipino-American, I reflected on how far I had come from my first year, since that comment about my limitations as an Asian, was internalized.
Today, I am looking to build a career informed by knowledge around the ways gender, race, sexuality, and class work together to help inform my art. I know there isn’t a career out there for me (that I know of) where I can center the experiences of marginalized communities and bring them to light and life. But I am on a mission to building and making it a career for myself, and others who plan to pursue something like it.
Currently, I am producing projects centering on the experiences of Pilipinx-Americans. I am in the process of writing and directing a play about a particular Pilipinx-American experience, researching to facilitate a seminar for undergraduate students about queer Pilipinx-American experiences, as well as collaborate with other fellow young Pilipinx-Americans to create photos and videos that capture different experiences and possibilities of life. Right now, I am dedicated to my cultural origins because it’s what is true and authentic to me. Through these collaborations and creative productions, I aim to elevate, embolden, and empower Pilipinx-Americans to continue creating their lives and breathing life into their dreams. I am a proponent of this because I grew up with no understanding or knowledge of the history of the Philippines, and the imperative to be resilient in the face of colonialism, imperialism, and invasion.
I would also like to note that these projects are homages to my family and my mother, especially. The creative projects I am producing are reflective of the sacrifices and unconditional love my mother brought with her from a small rice farm in Nueva Ecija, Philippines. I am nothing without my family, and I have learned that I am where I am today because of them.
The Philippines produces and maintains a collective culture where self-interest is in the interest of the whole. This is what is imagined and illustrated in these projects I am so eager to create: a commemoration of the love my family has for me and the love I have for them. My career is built on the shoulders of my family and I intend on reflecting that in my work.
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
It has never been smooth! But, I’ve learned the beauty and happiness of life come from a struggle, tension and demand to keep going. One of the biggest obstacles, that I even face today, is how I define myself in relation to other people and myself.
Yes, I mentioned that I do everything for my family. I don’t invest my time in things that are not in service of other people, either. I bring that collective mindset into the things I do and the people I love. All in all, I have always done things to help and empower those around me.
But when it comes to myself, I have difficulty with that. One hurtle I overcame (and still face from time to time) was my depression. It was incredibly difficult to get out of bed, even overwhelming to breathe, to think, or to feel. It came after I had to leave someone I fell in love with, which is the worst kind of heartbreak, I think. Why? Because it felt like I kept waking up with a broken heart *and* broken soul. During this time, I had a difficult time defining myself as myself, and not about someone I had truly loved with all of my being.
In the same way, my passions and pursuit of my majors were initially decided and considered around my family, a stable career, and what I thought I needed to be. I still struggle with this today, but it’s an ongoing battle that I think a lot of people face: is this good enough? Is what I’m doing good enough? For my family? For me? Am I going to survive with the choices I’ve made today? Am I going to be successful?
Please tell us about your business.
I suppose my business manager is myself! I love that you elevate the voices of small business because right now, I’m in the process of building up a business that centers the stories of the most marginalized. It’s so weird reading, writing, or hearing it out loud, but it’s true.
I am dedicated to these marginalized communities because their stories are worthy of being told. We talk a lot about representation, mostly because we live in a generation built on the shoulders of social movements for transformative change. But what do we want to represent? Typical stories of people of color that embody and mimic the same white, cisgender, heterosexual story?
For me, I’m looking for narratives to embolden and empower, to show the world so people know that there is another possibility of life, that there is a reason to choose life.
I suppose some might interrogate my own vision and say that I am actually on a mission to exploit these stories. To that, I say a thought I had to tell myself when I almost convinced myself to not go to an audition for the role of Pilipino-American brother: “If I don’t do it, who will? Maybe the few who are Pilipinx-American, who are Asian, but what about me? Don’t I deserve a chance?” Yes, we all deserve a chance to not exploit, but to elevate these stories, to create new ways of thinking and encourage those who see it, to choose life and live their possibilities.
And I’m proud of that. I’m proud of this vision, this dedication to other people and their lives. I believe this is what sets my “business” apart from others — it is using a Black feminist lens to create art (whether it is plays, poems, prose, photoshoots, videos) and tell the stories we don’t often hear or choose to listen to. Right now, my business is set apart from others because I am focusing on telling the stories of Pilipinx-Americans. There is so little of us known to the world, but we are out there, our creativity dedicated to empowering Pilipinx-Americans.
So, what’s next? Any big plans?
Right now, my trajectory is to move out of Orange County and in the heart of (or at least near a) city, like Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, New York, or Chicago. I’m looking to just start working as a writer, director, actor, producer, and/or teacher. While I do not have a narrow career path that directs me to a particular point, there are multiple points I want to reach in my career.
What that looks like? Hmmm…Finally, publish my book of poetry and prose that has been in the making since 2017, act in a play outside the School of the Arts, write and publish a manuscript, direct a play or movie or TV show episode, become the producer of my TV sitcom (a nod to one of my favorite artists, Mindy Kaling), get my Masters and even my Doctorate to become a professor of Gender & Sexuality Studies myself. In the midst of all of that, buy my parents and family home (or even a vacation home or land in the Philippines) to give back what they gave to me. All of these events becoming a constellation in my own life that I can look up to when I am old and ready to move on to the next life.
And if these things don’t happen (I pray at least some do), then that’s what the universe wants. I’m just communicating and letting her know my goals so I can speak it into existence and continue working for them.
Contact Info:
- Website: medium.com/@jairuspacelo
- Email: jairuspacelo1@gmail.com
- Instagram: jairuspacelo
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jairus.pacelo
Image Credit:
Yulissa Mendoza (@yu.lis.sa)
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