Today we’d like to introduce you to Kimberly Sandstrom.
Kimberly, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
As a little girl, I was fascinated by the psychology world and told my mom, when I was eight yo that, “I wanted to be that kind of doctor” Growing up in a family that included divorce, blended family, alcoholism, verbal & sexual abuse, and mental illness, it is no surprise! In HS and in college, many of my friends would come to me for advice, and I provided understanding and a non-judgmental space to vent (although at the time I didn’t know that was later to be my profession).
There were many challenges growing up in my family and I found solace in performance at school and with friends. I thrived in leadership positions and doing well in my studies. It was comforting, as going home to my crazy household was difficult sometimes. I also discovered my faith during childhood and this was a safe place to go and talk through difficult things with my Creator. My faith is the cornerstone of my ability to be with others with no judgment, just grace.
As I was earning a psychobiology degree on the science end of psychology, I got burned out in labs during college and decided to join my social skills with my science background and became a pharmaceutical sales representative. When I had my first daughter, I chose to stay home to raise her (and her two sisters that came soon after), always holding in my heart that I would come back to counseling others.
When my daughters were in middle school, despite my fear of being an older student in grad school, I embarked on a five-year journey to finish my master’s program, interning at San Diego Hospice as a grief counselor, until I graduated and went into private practice. It was hard balancing being a mom, wife, and student. Our family went through some financial strain during that time and even though I didn’t bring in significant income, I tried to contribute to our family money pool as much as I could, while continuing to raise my girls, and support their dad’s growing business.
I have a heart for couples and family relationships and created a niche by helping couples heal from infidelity. While this makes up just a third of my practice, I help couples skillfully navigate the journey back to closeness and trust. I also found that my own background has helped me work with many clients who have experienced significant trauma in their lives and help them clear that space in therapy.
Five years ago, I went through my own divorce after almost 27 years of marriage. It was a tough time balancing my practice, last child off to college and living alone for the first time in my life. Navigating the process while grieving the loss of almost a lifetime of an intact family, caused me to challenge myself & grow in many ways. I am now using this experience for good–helping individuals navigating separation and divorce well. I launched “The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce” about two years ago and am working on a book and workshops for women & men to get support and connections with resources during a difficult process. I joined a group called Vesta that provides free workshops to meet highly-vetted professionals as resources for the divorce process. And slowly, working on my book/guide.
I have learned so much about myself, my ability to be courageous despite my fears, that I don’t have to sit in the hurt & pain from the negative dynamic in my marriage, the ways I contributed to that and the shame I had to work through in being a divorced marriage & family therapist. I’ve discovered that I am resourceful, courageous, create good boundaries for myself, grounded, a recovering perfectionist, and am one strong badass babe!
I find it easy to connect with people and know that I provide unconditional regard for all clients who walk through my door (as well as the people in my life). Life hasn’t always been easy, but I’m not a “sit and wallow” kind of gal–I use my experience for my own and my client’s good.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Building a practice is hard–marketing oneself, ongoing learning about how to best work with clients, creating a business strategy for the short and long term. I hustled, meeting with all sorts of professionals in and outside my field to ask tips, what worked and what didn’t work for them in starting a practice. I went out and spoke, even though sometimes I would stand up there and question, “am I really the right person to be sharing this with this large room full of people?” I read books on building a successful practice.
I think many therapists do not realize that we run a business in private practice and while we may be excellent therapists in the room with clients, if we don’t seek out information on running business and employ others to help us learn what that looks like, we may not succeed and get discouraged.
During this time, I was raising teenagers–enough said! I’ve learned a lot about myself as they challenged me, and I most certainly made mistakes but did the best I could. They are all successful contributing members of society in awesome careers and relationships, and also badass babes! Thankfully!! They are amazing women and I get to share life with them and see the fruit of their dad and my support over the years of encouraging and empowering them to be their best selves.
I always say that we can only take our clients as far as we have gone in our own mental health journey. While going through the craziness of my childhood & later divorce wasn’t always fun, it has lent itself to experiences that are invaluable in working with clients as they navigate difficult situations. I’m a better. Mom, therapist, partner & lady for those experiences.
We’d love to hear more about your practice.
I love my practice. I am in private practice, work mainly with couples in all capacities, specialize in infidelity and am working on expanding my divorce therapy niche. I work from the framework of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, which is an attachment based approach to couples’ work. I also am trained in EMDR, which is a technique used to move maladaptive negative views caused by trauma to more adaptive views of self. I also provide Discernment Counseling to couples unsure of whether they should stay together, separate and/or divorce, or choose couples therapy to help heal. The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce is a work in progress and as I work with my divorcing individuals, I am expanding the ability to provide more comprehensive support to those going through or contemplating a divorce.
I believe my life experience provides me a vast knowledge of what people go through and what’s available to them for healing, as I’ve done my own deep work through. My own difficult life transitions. I love my work, the clients I get to work with, and the colleagues I get to share office space with.
What is “success” or “successful” for you?
My therapist (yes, therapists have therapists!) once asked me, “at the end of your life, with all your people around you, how do you want them to have experienced you?” The answer was simple: to have felt a sense of love & belonging and acceptance in my presence and that they were loved.” I carried that around on a worn piece of paper for years in my wallet, reminding myself that before acting and reacting. I haven’t been perfect, but it is the overarching way I try and see people. And if I leave this Earth and my most important people as well as my clients felt that then I’ve been successful.
Success to me is when who we are lined up with who we are being–congruence. When we are living out our purpose (for me, my purpose is what God created me for and discovering that has been wonderful!) and the byproduct is a career and income path–well then, double bonus on it being “success!”.
Kimberly also offers telehealth sessions to clients in response to the recent California sheltering-in response to COVID-19. Encrypted and confidential sessions to support individuals and couples during this difficult time.
Contact Info:
- Address: 2851 Camino del Rio S, Ste. 300, SD
92108 & 674 Via de Valle, Ste. 304, Solana Beach, CA 92075 - Website: kimberlysandstrom.com
- Phone: 6193336382
- Email: therapy@kimberlysandstrom.com
- Instagram: kimberlytherapy & theclassygirlsguidetodivorce
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KimberlySandstromTherapy/. & https://www.facebook.com/theclassygirlsguidetodivorce/
Image Credit:
Nikki Incandela
Suggest a story: SDVoyager is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
