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Meet Kyra Oliver of Your Own Utopia in Encinitas

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Today we’d like to introduce you to Kyra Oliver.

Kyra, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
I received the worst phone call imaginable. “Hayes isn’t breathing,” said the voice on the other end. I rushed to the hospital. They would not let me see him. They said he wasn’t there yet. Not there? I would have gone where he was. I was hysterical, and they threatened to escort me out if I did not calm down. CALM DOWN?

I just received a phone call that my precious baby is not breathing; my precious baby—my entire existence in this world, a love that I have never felt in my life; a love so strong and powerful—nothing one can really understand until they have a child… and they wanted me to calm down. I calmed down. I did not want to be taken out of the hospital.

Moments later, I was taken to a room; a dark room, I recall a couple of lamps and a few friends already in the room. I found this to be bizarre. How did they know? Did they know something I did not? I realized that this nightmare was my life. The hospital chaplain walked into the room. The lights went out. My life became a very, very dark gray. Horror became more horror. I walked into the room where my son laid lifeless. I held his hand.

I talked to him “Hayes, please come back. Please, Mommy is here. I love you.” He left me. What happened? He was gone. That’s all I knew. My son had died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). That meant we do not know why he died. So we call it SIDS. Sharing that story is crucial to everything I do now and for the rest of my life. To have been given the gift of losing my son—yes, I would rather him be here, but the gift is what I see now.

The gift is what I went through after I lost him, though I could not see it for a very long time. The gift is what I am sharing with you now, which is a gift to you. I had to hit rock bottom in a lot of areas—almost every single area of my life—to get here. I went through so many years of not listening. I allowed who I am to be lost in the emotion of it all.

So many people would think this is OK—I mean, wow, I lost my little boy whom I held in my arms. But the loss went further. While the loss of Hayes is pretty much as far as it can go, I spiraled. Many did not know. I was good at toughing it out. I was good at keeping myself up and motivated. But behind closed doors, I was hurting so much that it nearly took me to darkness that I could not escape.

THAT is when the process truly began. I started Your Own Utopia (www.yourownutopia.com) as a way to connect with others. I wanted a place to share reality and get others excited about life. I put some real stuff out there on my blog. The purpose is to lift others up.

It took me a very long time to understand love and kindness in its truest sense. It took me so long to be able to write to others, with complete confidence, owning my mistakes and committing to learning from them. I came to a place of letting go of the worry of what others think so that I could share things that can help others feel understood and loved.

No one is perfect in the sense of the definition we all know, but to me, perfect is doing your best by using what you learn and never giving up. I used to have days that were so difficult and unbearable. I now have short moments that I have learned to use as a way to see something good—an opportunity to be better — a way to give to others.

Finally, the realization came to me that I MUST share this story, in a much bigger way, so that I can really dig in to help others find happiness and freedom. “8 Ways of Being, How to Motivate Yourself to Live Happy and Free Every Day” is an expression of how others can use their thinking and mindset to capture opportunities in life. Through that, they will find so much happiness.

For many long years, I thought I could not find that happiness. But I kept pushing, and I started paying attention to my choices. I chose to write ‘8 Ways of Being’ so that the reader can take every smidgen of my emotion and use it to power them up. The more happiness we exude, the more we will see from others. We, as life on this earth, are responsible for our choices and positive thinking. It changes us.

And this is why I am sharing. MY WHY is my son, Hayes. He taught me that I needed to live a love-filled life of kindness through a humble heart and to share that with others as much as possible. So many have endured (and still are in) a lot of pain, and the exhaustion of it all is wearing on them. I have been in that dark place. I get it.

The point is this: I am sharing what others need to know, to not only survive but to THRIVE! Happiness and freedom are important to everyone.

Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
I mentioned a lot of struggle in the last section, but it can definitely make or break you. When in such a vulnerable place, you have to decide what you are going to do, why you are going to do it and how. What becomes important at that point is that you must go forward and not look back.

You must know that you are doing this for the good of others and that you do not need to seek approval of anyone. Just go! I wrote 8 Ways of Being while working on other projects which meant I was very busy and I had to find ways to fit it into my day. That meant getting up even earlier (than I already did to go teach fitness classes or train for an upcoming endurance race) and writing for at least 15 minutes every single day.

I had set a special deadline for myself (the day my son was born), and I was determined to meet that goal. I asked for the words, and they poured out of me. I have a mentor that encouraged me. I kept finding more and more strength. The more I did, the stronger I felt; the more empowered I became to help others.

It was so beautifully intense that I could feel the empowerment inside my body. It is hard to explain, but it was there, and it helped me stay on point. I chose to trust. I chose to be honest. I chose to share personal things about me. I chose to do this so that I could connect, on a genuine level, with someone out there.

Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about Your Own Utopia – what should we know?
I am a writer, author, philanthropist, public speaker, and life coach. I am also an endurance athlete and a wellness coach.

I am most proud of every single person that I have helped. When someone tells me that I am inspiring them, I know I am doing the right thing. There is no amount of money that can buy that. Changing the lives of others is my hope. I am well known in the fitness and wellness industry as well as being an author. Albeit my first book, I have many that connect with me on a deeper level because of the book.

Additionally, I am known in the community as a crazy fitness gal! Yes, I love my endurance races. I use my work in my daily life to fuel me while training for triathlons, marathons, and ultra distance trail races, having just completed a 50-mile running race at Big Bear gaining a podium position of 3rd place AG. I won 3rd AG at the Costa Rica half Ironman this year and last year, I received 3rd overall female honors in the lake Hodges Trailfest 50k race.

I have done three full Ironman races, three Boston marathons and about 15 marathons total in addition to many smaller races. I teach fitness classes at the YMCA and am a member of the San Diego Track Club Masters Team heading to Spokane, Washington for the finals this December.

Any shoutouts? Who else deserves credit in this story – who has played a meaningful role?
This list is really long, but I definitely want to mention a few amazing people in my life. Matt Potts mentored me daily while I was working on my book. Harlena, my aunt, is always a phone call away to help me when I need to have a good talk. I want to note Dr. Josh Axe who is a long time mentor of mine and an amazing top leader in the wellness space.

Robyn O’Brien, a national advocate of good health in our communities and schools, who has supported me. Most recently, Marie Forlio and Simon Sidek have brought some new, fresh life-changing perspectives to the table. And my family and friends– they are always there for me. And of course, Maggie Adams who recognized my desire to help others. I am grateful!

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Image Credit:
Derek Gonzales

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