Today we’d like to introduce you to Mary O’Dwyer.
Mary, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
Hello! I am Mary O’Dwyer and I was inspired to create Mary’s Blue Door as a way to share all I have learned in the past few years. You see, I used to think I had all my s**t together but then I realized that I was fooling myself. I had emotions like anyone else. I didn’t handle them better. I just did a better job of avoiding them!
I was devastated when my son Ethan was diagnosed with autism in 2004. Even though I saw the diagnosis coming, nothing prepared me for the reality of it. I felt heartbroken, guilty, responsible – had I done something to precipitate this. Was this karmic punishment for something?
I had no tools available to me to process and deal with these emotions. I had few friends and my family lived in Ireland, over 6000 miles away. So, I did what any good mom would do. I stuffed those emotions away where I couldn’t see them or feel them. Next, I strapped on my boots and got to work. I spent the next 6-7 years doing any intervention, therapy or program that I saw value in, with Ethan. We left no stone unturned. I completely controlled his environment, diet and schedule so that he could feel safe and learn to thrive. It was not all smooth sailing as there were many days where I felt overwhelmed and extremely frustrated. Why did he have to move so slow? Couldn’t he see that if 3+2= 5, then it stands to reason that 2+3 also = 5!!!
The overwhelm built from day to day, along with the frustrations and periodically, the dam would burst. And like any flood, it was never pretty and left some devastation, injuries and lost pieces in its wake! What it also left was a shell of a woman could scarcely see herself without seeing the ugly, angry (and hurt) monster that was inside.
Nevertheless, Ethan bloomed and I was able to take a step back as he needed me less and less. This left a huge void for me. Who or what could I control now? Something had to be controlled as looking at myself was simply not an option! So I decided to control me. I started to work out like a fiend. Everyday. No exceptions. Every workout/run had to better than the previous one. I started to control my food. I only allowed treats if I worked off the calories beforehand. Everything was measured and accounted for.
Now, there is a lot to be said for regularly exercising and eating healthy food. I still do that. However, the trouble arises when you are doing that from a place of control. When you derive your self worth from what you accomplished at the gym and the restraint you showed at the buffet. When you behavior is driven deep down by a subconscious desire to punish yourself. I got over this phase when it reached its zenith at a fitness competition. Controlling me had finally gotten me miserable enough to stop. So, I decided to switch gears and control other people!!! Seeing as I loved to boss people around and I loved food & fitness, why not become a health and fitness coach?! Seemed like a match made in heaven .
Why then, a year into that, was I feeling so blah, so unfulfilled, so lost? I had a great husband who loved me and provided extremely well for us. Two great sons and a thriving part-time business doing what I loved. Luckily a neighbor decided to enlightened me. She told me I was spiritually disconnected! “I was what now!?” was what my brain said to me! To a traditional Irish Catholic girl, those words were nonsensical. However, in the coming days, those words started to resonate. I saw how rote I was in my faith practices. Rote in my parental duties. Probably rote in other roles as well! I was worn out. Having controlled, stuffed and repressed so many feelings over the years, I barely knew how to feel anything.
I had fallen for all the myths we hear… Keep going. Keep busy. Things could always be worse. Stay positive. Count your blessings. While all of these things are true and valuable, they are no help when your heart is damaged. When it is wounded to the extent that it has curled up in a ball and erected giant walls of protection around itself. And those walls were to protect others from the pain my hurting heart could unleash. A short time after my conversation with my neighbor, I saw a flyer at The Temecula Yoga Collective for a Transformational Breath® Introductory workshop with Jennifer Gronbach. It promised more peace and joy for $25, so I was all over that!!! I am sure that is not what the flyer said, but that was what my brain read.
That session changed my life. Changed everything for me. You see, in that session, I discovered something. Something I had never even entertained as a notion. What I discovered was that I did not have to do anything to be loved. I did not have to perform for God for Him to love me. I did not have to control anything or any aspect of me in any way, shape or form. His love did not have to be earned. Nor did anyone else’s. I discovered that love is there no matter what and all I had to do was receive it.
That first session burst open my heart and left me in a puddle of joy and ecstasy. It also left me mourning for the soul that had lost it way and had hidden behind walls for years not thinking herself worthy of it. Talk about a life-changing 90 minutes. After that, I never looked back. I did breathing sessions at every opportunity I could. I trained as a facilitator, which started with my Personal Seminar back in 2015. The events of that week could not be contained in this blog… That will be a whole other chapter I write! The changes, growth and transformation that occurred changed the whole trajectory of my life. It changed how I parent, how I am as a wife, how I am with myself. The seminar even changed my business and I definitely did not see that coming!
It continues to teach me, to expand me, urging me to go outside of my comfort zone (like writing this blog!). I love it and I want you to have it too. My story is not new. It is not original. It is not unique. You may not even have found it particularly interesting. It is simply mine. I chose to change my story and heal my heart. Is that what you want? When you lie awake at night… What are your dreams? Your desires, your secret wants?
Is your deepest want and desire to heal your heart and be loved? If so, take action and join me in the breath. It is the first thing we do when we come into this world. The last thing we do as we leave. And yet, how often have you given your breath more than a passing thought? Isn’t it time to harness the power of your breath to heal yourself? Heal yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Don’t wait till things are at their breaking point.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Definitely not always smooth. I had to overcome a lot of inner fear about sharing with people what I do. Would they think it weird? Would they laugh/judge me behind my back. I had to be very vulnerable and see a lot of glazed over eyes as people often tune out when you mention “feelings” or “emotions.”
I also had to learn everything about doing business and do it all – the accounting, the planning, the marketing, the scheduling. Very overwhelming at times so I needed to use all my tools- breathing, listening, meditation, prayer to keep me going.
Please tell us more about your work, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
At Mary’s Blue Door, I help two main types of people – 1) those that are overworked/overwhelmed/stressed out/ fatigued/fed up/ have no idea how to turn things around. 2) those in crisis – their whole world has fallen apart – the death of a loved one, separation, job loss, business failure, loss of support in terms of friendship or community.
The work we do can be described as “Therapy without talking” 🙂 Working with the breath and energy, we can get to the causal root of most issues. We don’t just address the current symptoms, the tools I use get right to the original source of that pattern/challenge/resistance that are bringing distress into your life.
For my clients in crisis, I teach how to grieve each loss they have – how to feel it, be with it, embrace it so that it can resolve. Most of us are tough to stuff our feelings and apply logic to our hearts hurts- when our hearts get broken, we may be told: There are plenty more fish in the sea, OR You were too good for them anyhow! While these may be true, they don’t give the griever permission to grieve- these remarks are (unintentionally) telling the griever to stop feeling their feelings and to move on. And because most of us want to please our friends & family who are simply doing their best with what they know, to make us feel better, we (subconsciously) agree with them and stuff our feelings away so we can get their approval by buying into the idea that grieving for someone who wasn’t good enough while there are so many other fish in the sea, makes no sense. BUT the heart DOES NOT SPEAK logic… the heart needs to be heard and that is what I do. 🙂
If you had to go back in time and start over, would you have done anything differently?
I would have found a way to not let other people’s opinions (or my thoughts about what their opinion was) affect my behavior. I would have shared my story more enthusiastically with my community sooner and not played small. If I had to do it again, I would be shouting from the rooftops about how the tools I have gathered and used have completely changed my life. I also would have taken a legit marketing course!!!!!
Pricing:
- Online Guided Meditation, FREE, Mondays 10 am PT (30 mins)
- Online Group Session $25, Tuesdays 10 am PT (1 hr 15)
- Private session (in person OR virtual): $225 (2 hours)
- Multi Session Packages ranging from $300 – $1200
Contact Info:
- Website: www.marysbluedoor.com
- Phone: 951-3756425
- Email: mary@marysbluedoor.com
- Instagram: @marysbluedoor
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marysbluedoor/
- Yelp: You Tube channel- @marysbluedoor
Image Credit:
Emilia Ann
Daniel Ortiz
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