Today we’d like to introduce you to Ryan McGaffick.
Ryan, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
I was born in Torrington, WY and then lived in Gillette WY from 3rd Grade until I graduated High School in 1993. I am married to my beautiful wife Kristy and I have two absolute angels in my life with my daughters Kayla and Sunny. My childhood was rough to say it lightly. I lived with my mom and stepfather for most of the year and then saw my biological father every summer and in between those months, my step-father was very abusive to my mother and I. The summers with my dad was the freedom to live my life and to be a kid. I could actually play, have fun and not live in fear. I knew I had to find a way out of my step-fathers house by any means necessary. I had went off to college, found friends who were more about partying, booze and women than school. I basically wasted my parents’ money to the party. I failed out of school and was back in my step-fathers house. However, this time I was bigger, stronger, and not afraid. We got into an altercation one night when he was in full bully mode and I finally was able to stand up for myself and ended up sending him to the hospital. It was through all those years that I learned from him how not to be a father. I learned a lot from my real father during the summers.
These were the times that I was taught respect, honor and pride. I learned that not having a lot of money wasn’t a reason to not have fun or to find a way to stretch what little my dad had. We spent most of our time outdoors, hiking, exploring and enjoying father/son time. I learned to fish from my dad and it all started by me catching a bluegill. It was small but to me, it felt like the biggest fish in the world. I never knew how much fishing would mean to me or how it has impacted my life until much later in life. After getting kicked out of college for a .43 G.P.A., which by the way, I had told my mother once she confronted me with this fact over Christmas break that my blood alcohol content was usually much higher than that. I thought it was classic and would go down in history has one of the best one-liners of all time. She quickly showed me by the expression in her face that she was not amused and then informed me that it wasn’t her money I was indeed wasting, it was my money because I was on the hook to pay her back. I was enlightened by the conversation and needed to find a job that would help pay all that money back because Wal-Mart and selling dime bags wasn’t going to cut it.
I needed discipline in the worst way and someone to keep me in line because I was irresponsible and leading a life that was going to end up with me flipping burgers somewhere in my mid 40’s. I decided to join the U.S. Navy in 1996, which became the greatest life-altering decision I have ever made. I chose to become a Hospital Corpsman and learned how to treat and care for the sick and injured. I spent the first 3 years with the United States Marine Corps and was stationed with 3rd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion in 29 Palms, CA. I loved every minute of it, acting like a marine, getting to shoot weapons, lots of running, and I started to find that self-confidence, self-reliance and discipline that I had been searching for my entire life. Once my tour was done, I transferred to Naval Hospital San Diego and then after 9/11, I deployed on the U.S.S. Bonhomme-Richard to the Gulf in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. Upon returning from that deployment I was given orders to go right back to the same ship 6 months later. During my tour on the ship, I was getting ready to get out of the Navy for really no reason except I was no longer happy with what I was doing and wanted a change.
I worked with a guy who was a Biomedical Repair Technician (BMET) and was always fixing medical and dental equipment. He pulled me aside and asked why I was getting out and I really didn’t have a solid plan or job lined up so I just told him I wanted to go to school. Over the period of two days, he convinced me to apply for Biomedical Repair School. I was accepted and headed out to Texas in 2005. The school was 14 months long and very intense. I graduated in 2006 and was transferred to Ventura, CA. I was there for just under 3 years and wanted to get back to the “operational side” of the Navy so I asked to go back with Marines at Camp Pendleton. I wanted to be forward deployed to Afghanistan, little did I know a life-altering event would take place within the first year I was there. I got my wish in 2010 and deployed to Afghanistan. As a BMET we were in charge of all the equipment in our Area of Operation which was located in southern Afghanistan and was the size of Texas. We would get to fly to multiple bases and take care of their equipment. During that time some of the bases were fully set up and established others were basically tents with security walls and lacked running water and electricity.
In the early summer of 2010, the Marines had just taken over the village of Marjah and set up a Forward Operating Base (FOB) there. I had been asking to be one of the few to go there to lay eyes on the base and what they had for equipment. I hated being stuck on our base with basically all the amenities of home. I wanted to go out to where the Marines were eating MRE’s (meals ready to eat) which is basically a meal in a bag, showered rarely and didn’t have all the luxuries. I needed to be immersed in that setting to really feel like I was actually in a combat zone. On July 24th, 2010 I got my wish. We were given the fly out time earlier that day and spent the rest of that day doing the regular preflight routine of getting our gear together, picking up the combat load of ammunition, cleaning weapons and putting together a game plan of what we wanted to do while there. In order to fly to Marjah, it had to be under the cover of darkness because it was still considered very active and hot because of the Taliban and they liked to fire small arms and RPG’s at the incoming and outgoing aircraft. We loaded up our vehicles and headed to the flight line around 1030 at night.
Once there we did the normal check-in and gear accountability and then proceeded to do what we all did best, hurry up and wait. Our helicopter came in around 1145 p.m. and we loaded up. I had on a pack that weighed about 60 lbs., my weapons and then we had to carry a pelican case full of our test equipment that was over 100 lbs. up onto the bird and even at night in July it was still over 100 degrees. We packed in like sardines, took our seats and got situated. The helo took off and away we went into the nighttime sky. I remember looking out the back at the lights of the base and watched them gradually get smaller and smaller until they were no longer visible. It was right after watching those lights disappear that I sat back in my seat, placed my head against the wall and closed my eyes to rest, or so I thought. The next 20 minutes of that flight would alter my life in ways I never thought was possible. I remember thinking about San Diego, fishing, surfing and the beach and then it happened. I had my eyes closed and then remember seeing a flash through my eyelids and then another.
I opened my eyes and witnessed what I thought was going to be the end of my life, the entire roof of the helo was on fire and there was nothing we as passengers could do. The sense of helplessness was suffocating and unbearable. The helo started to lose elevation and was making a lot of erratic movements as the pilots were doing everything they could to get the helo turned around to head back. The crew member in the back was panicking and you could feel the heat as he was searching for a fire extinguisher. It was at this point I was convinced this was the day that I would die. I leaned back in my seat, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and prayed. I prayed to the man upstairs to please let my death be quick, painless, and to please make sure myself and the others onboard were not shown on T.V. being drug through the desert and disrespected by the Taliban. I prayed to continue to watch over my family and friends and to keep them safe while I couldn’t be there. The entire time I was praying is was serene and I didn’t notice all of the chaos around me. After I said Amen, it was otherworldly because the feeling I had as I was face to face with my own mortality was one of calmness and tranquility.
I put my life in God’s hands and that’s all I could do in those circumstances. Over the next 5 to 10 minutes, the crew was able to get the fire extinguished, the pilots were able to turn the helo around and we limped back to base, flying very low and with heightened caution. I had my eyes closed the entire time and just thought about my family and friends. It wasn’t until my good friend Jerry nudged me and showed me that we were close to landing that I finally opened them. Upon landing, we had to offload all the gear and personnel and continue on mission. I was so focused on the mission that the phobia of flying wouldn’t show its head until much later. We flew to Marjah under the cover of darkness this time with no fire, instead, we were met with small arms fire as we descended onto the flight pad. We spent two days there conducting business and were constantly alert as we took mortar rounds and more small arms fire throughout those two days. At the end of day two, we went to the helo pad at around midnight and waited anxiously on the helo to come pick us up.
The bird came in, picked us up and off we went back to our base. I didn’t think anything was wrong with me after that trip so I just went about my business for the next couple months until we came back to the U.S. Whenever we would take those long plane rides, most of us had picked up Benadryl to take so we could sleep for most of the 18 plus hour flights so once again didn’t know I was suffering from that flight in the helo. I was stationed with the Marines for close to 3 more years after that deployment to include another deployment over to Afghanistan. Once again we ate Benadryl to sleep on the way over and once in the country I didn’t have to fly on any aircraft as I was in charge of our detachment. I had just had my daughter about 8 months prior to that second deployment so I was now officially a father and had a beautiful wife to come back to, unlike that first trip. Once we returned from that deployment I transferred down to the Naval Hospital here in San Diego for my final tour in the Navy because I was getting ready to retire.
Now with that being said, my family and I hadn’t taken any trips for over two years that involved flying until January 2015 when I wanted to take my wife and daughter up to visit my dad in Seattle WA. We got to the airport without issue, got some breakfast, everything was fine. As we boarded the plane I had this claustrophobia feeling come over me and I started to panic and sweat. I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me. I sat down, buckled up and put my headphones on to zone out and put my mind elsewhere. I reached up to turn the air on and I could smell the distinct smell of jet fuel. It was at that point that it all came together and made sense why I was in panic mode with profuse sweating. I had flashed back to that helicopter flight that turned into a nightmare. My wife looked at me and asked if I was o.k., I didn’t answer, she grabbed my hand and I just turned and looked at her, she knew I wasn’t fine. At that point, we were taxing and there was no way I could ask them to turn around so I just cranked up my music and white-knuckled the armrests as we began to pick up speed.
At this point my shirt was soaked with sweat, I was breathing rapidly and it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I just had to focus on the music and holding my wife’s hand. The flight seemed to take an eternity but we finally landed, and as soon as we walked off the place I went into the restroom, washed my face and I remember looking in the mirror and saying to myself “You’re going to be ok” My dad had planned to buy us the return flight ticket but as soon as I saw him by the baggage claim, I gave him a hug and said don’t worry about the flight, were renting a car! We spent a week up in WA and then drove home, my wife and I discussed what had happened and it all began to make sense. I hadn’t been able to sleep through the night in over 2 years, and when I did find sleep it was sporadic at best. I had just thought it was my mind running rampant and dealing with retiring and family. I told her I needed to get seen by a Psychologist because I was positive I had something going on. So once I got back, I scheduled an appointment and once there it wasn’t like I had envisioned. I was given an intern, who was only going to be there for a few weeks and then was going to rotate out.
So I played the game, I’d go in for a session twice a week and we would talk about what happened etc. I was growing more and more frustrated with each session as I felt it wasn’t getting the core of my problem plus he was just an intern putting a check in the block to move on. Once he was done with his rotation I stopped going and asked to go to a psychiatrist. I was set up with a more seasoned Doctor a few weeks later and told her my story and what I was suffering from. I was dealing with insomnia, anxiety, didn’t like being around people, depression and basically became a hermit. I stayed away from my wife and daughter because I just wanted to be alone and it was gradually getting worse and worse. I was in the last year of the Navy and was about 8 months from retiring. I hunkered down and stopped spending time with my friends and family and just wanted to sleep. All of these symptoms came on gradually and then it felt like rapid fire. The psychiatrist prescribed me anti-depressants, mode enhancers etc. If one didn’t work the next visit she would give me a different type to try. These meds made me a zombie and I was doing more sleeping than living.
When I was awake it felt like I was in a fog, head was clouded with negative thoughts and it was just a downward spiral. I saw her about five times and every time I went in I told her the meds weren’t doing anything for me, and it was just a continuous cycle of giving me a batch of meds to give it a try. The Navy was accustomed to just handing out meds and not really trying to find out what the problem was. After 6 months she told me that this would be the last session and she diagnosed me with PTSD, Severe Chronic Anxiety and Depression and for me to finish the meds she gave me. I was also supposed to go to group therapy sessions and talk about my feelings because that was going to help me according to her. I walked out of there angrier than anything, after 19.5 years in the Navy this was how I was being taken care of was with medicating to the point of just wanting to stay in bed. That was not the way I wanted to live my life. A couple weeks later I sent a message to my friend Jake and asked to come by just to get out of the house. Jake and I go back about 18 years and is more than a friend he’s more like a brother.
I stopped by his house and we got caught up and it was this day I was introduced to the one thing that would end up taking me from the valleys to the mountain tops. He took me out to his backyard, opened up his shed and there it lied, an old beat up the kayak. I didn’t think anything about it at the time. He said this is what he does to get away, hit the reset button and find his quiet spot. I had been thinking about it for some time and just didn’t know anyone who had a kayak or was going out to fish. We talked some more about kayak fishing and I left there thinking real hard about it. I had no idea of what type or model to go and get. I just jumped on Craigslist and searched. I basically bought the first one I found. It was a 10 footer and didn’t even know if it would float but it was mine. I took it out and was immediately hooked. As time went on and a couple more trips out I wanted to invest in a better one. I splurged and bought a Hobie Pro Angler and it was at that point I went all in on Kayak fishing. I started to notice that once I was on the water, nothing on land mattered, there was no drama, nightmares, frustration, and displeasure.
In reality, I wasn’t out there to catch fish, I was out there medicating myself by just being on the water. I would get home and started being more social with my family, I was smiling more and I felt as if a cloud was starting to lift with each trip out. I would find myself starting to sleep through the night with no bad dreams or thoughts. If I was in traffic I would just think about being out on the water and I was calm and it didn’t bother me to be there. My wife started to see me change for the better, she noticed I was happier and more engaged with my family, she asked if I was still taking those meds or if I found one that worked. I told her NO, I threw those things out and my physical and psychological change was directly related to me being on the water without a doubt. As the days grew into months I was fully addicted. I was chasing down big game fish out in La Jolla and was doing it without anyone showing me how it was all self-taught which I was most proud of. And I was doing it well. I had caught multiple Yellowtails, A Bluefin tuna, and at the time my biggest fish was a 53Lb White Sea Bass and this was only at the 6-month mark.
Some people go there whole lives and won’t catch a legal-sized Seabass but I had already notched that one in. It was a remarkable year in 2015. I retired at the end of 2015 and I came out of the darkness and into the light, my therapy sessions were by myself, in my kayak, immersed in Mother Nature with nothing around me but water. So with the past few years since then, I have caught many more fish to include my new personal best White Sea Bass which weighed in at 57.5 pounds and was 56 inches long. Whenever I catch a fish one of my favorite things to happen is when someone sees me with the fish, standing next to my kayak they ask the one question that makes us all proud “You caught that out of a kayak!?” The rush you get when you are hooked up and the fish is pulling you around, to the point where you kayak is making waves is insane and no other feeling compares. The beauty of what we do is that in a kayak, you are so mentally focused because you don’t get to use your legs, it’s all upper body, knowledge and technique. And once that fish gets pulled up over the side and slides into your lap that’s when the feeling of exhilaration and accomplishment fully kicks in and you go mental!
I have been blessed with kayak fishing, I have met so many people who have become lifelong friends, who are truly humble, and very giving. The kayak community is very tightknit and we look out for one another. If I have extra bait as I am going in, I will always give it away, ice, water, food whatever I have I’ll give it away. If someone is in trouble we will help them out. I have made friends with men who run their own companies and have been pro-staffed by a few of them. At this point in my life after being down for so long I want to make sure that I take care of those around me, first and foremost my wife and two daughters who were there supporting and trying to cheer me up no matter how long it took, and also the friends I have made while Kayak fishing.
When I went to my final psychiatry appointment prior to retiring, I told my Dr. how kayak fishing helped me and she really thought that I had to be taking meds to snap out of the depression I was in. I told her I stopped taking those months ago and threw them away because I didn’t like the way they made me feel and I still couldn’t believe that the Navy was still trying to push those onto me.
We ended the conversation with her informing me that once retired I should set up appointments with a doctor in the private sector to continue therapy. This was basically her way of saying she did what she could, annotate it in the medical records and onto the next patient. Needless to say, it’s been over 2 years since I have retired and still haven’t scheduled that appointment. I jumped at the chance to share my story because if it finds its way to another Veteran, and they were/are going through the same issues I was and they are interested in giving kayak fishing a try, give me a call and I’ll take them out. At this point in my life, I want to do whatever I can to make the world a better place, and want to show my girls were being humble with a huge heart can take you. My wife and my daughters are my world and I am so blessed to have them in my life. My daughter loves fishing and soon my 2-year-old will too! I tell people all the time, Kayak fishing saved me from myself, and all I want to do is pay it forward and I’ll be staying humble along the way.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
I think life, in general, is a rough road no matter what you went through. I mean statistically, I should be a product of my environment because of the childhood I lived. I should be abusive, angry, and make my kids live in fear. But I refused to be my step-dad and I refused to make my children live in fear of me because that is not what being a father means instead I shower my daughters with love and encouragement.
I am giving my daughters the childhood I never had, and the greatest part of all of that is getting to relive my childhood through their eyes, their smiles and their memories they are making. I love living in San Diego and I love the ability no matter what time of the year it is, I can take them outside and enjoy the beach, mountains, ocean and desert. I get to take my wife and my two girls to the water to go fishing which they all love, the desert to camp and ride our dirt bikes or the mountains to play in the snow. When I went through my valley in 2015, I only had my oldest daughter at the time and my strong-willed wife was there to be the strength when I wasn’t. and I am so appreciative for that.
Once I got into fishing, it mentally straightened me out and I was back in full dad mode. I think that going through the valleys will only make you stronger in the long run. You get to reflect on the bad times in your life and ensure you get to teach your kids, family members and friends, what you learned through that time. I embrace the valleys because there is only one way to go and that is straight up to the highest peak. It makes you stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. I now get to watch my children grown up in a loving environment and dynamic family unit.
None – what should we know? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
I am a biomedical repair technician and I work on medical and dental equipment at the Naval Medical Center in San Diego. I love what I do and having both my daughters born at this hospital I take my job very seriously. I really enjoy this job and at some point, I would like to take the leap and do the fishing full time.
What is “success” or “successful” for you?
I look at success not in monetary or tangible items, my success comes from the drive I have to make my wife and daughter proud. I am in the richest man in the world as soon as I walk through the door and they all run full sprint at me screaming Daddy!! In life, your past does not define you, what you do on a daily basis and how you honor your families name is what separates being subpar from successful. Let your best make you stronger, not weaker, you cannot allow it to dictate your future by acting like an anchor and holding you back,
Contact Info:
- Instagram: kjsdad619
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