Today we’d like to introduce you to Deja Cabrera.
Deja, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
For me, it wasn’t about becoming a new person but becoming the person I was always meant to be: fierce, strong, and full of fire that I could not even hold myself back because my passion burns brighter than my fears. My passion for community, unity, and equality is what motivates me every day. But being an activist for the transgender community is not easy, especially when I am transgender myself. I am a transgender woman of color who, like many, face racism, sexism, transphobia, and homophobia every time I walk out my front door. I take on these challenges head first and continue to lead by example. Being the Transgender Services Coordinator at The San Diego LGBT Community Center, my responsibilities are to enhance and sustain the health and well-being of the transgender community by providing activities, programs and services that create community; empower community members; provide essential resources; advocate for civil and human rights; and embrace, promote and support our cultural diversity. I’ve always wanted to be a voice, a role model, an inspiration and an advocate. Growing up, I didn’t see any LGBT Mexican-American representation in media. I always felt alone. Now, as an adult, I know that is not the case. I do what I do to show and promote transgender visibility by being a voice, a role model, an inspiration and an advocate for those who feel like they are alone.
I’ve always been a girly girl. I was always the Pink Power Ranger. I was always the princess. I was always the female character in the video game. That was my normal. But to the world, boys aren’t Pink Power Rangers, they aren’t princesses and they are always the male characters in the video game. I saw myself a certain way but the world perceived me in another. I was trapped in my own body.
Born into a very traditional and spiritual Latin family, my life was planned for me as soon as my parents heard my heartbeat. I was born to procreate and have a family with my own wife and children. Boys don’t cry. Boys don’t show emotions. They go to work and provide for their family. They don’t have dreams or aspirations. They work to live and survive. I was 21 years old when I moved out of my parents’ house. I moved to Santa Barbara to further my education and to pursue my dream of working in the performing arts industry. As a choreographer for a performing arts school and a few dance studios, my dreams were becoming a reality. But something was still missing. I didn’t have the language to share what I was feeling. Dance was an outlet for me. I showed all my emotions through movement. Little did I know, I was already giving the best performance of my life – deception!
I remember watching a drag show at the Pacific Pride Festival in Santa Barbara and thinking to myself “I can do that!” Something about the wigs, the lashes, the heels, all seemed so empowering to me. That was when everything started to fall into place.
In 2012, I was crowned Santa Barbara’s Queen of Pride. I won a pageant just being “her” three times before. For two years, I performed as “her” every week. I was the happiest when I was her. It all felt so good and so right. But when I wasn’t on stage, and it was time for the makeup, wig, and lashes to all come off, a little part of me would hurt. I would hurt because I knew I couldn’t be here for a whole week. I needed to figure out how I can be her more often.
Viva Las Vegas was the answer. I moved to Vegas to perform as her more often and that felt good. But something still wasn’t right. I was still putting her away. Every night. I would go to bed, thinking of her and upcoming shows. She was becoming more of an outlet for me to truly express myself. I was becoming her more and more every day. Then it all clicked — I am transgender. What is transgender? A person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. Many people have assumptions about what it means to be transgender, but it isn’t about surgery, or sexual orientation, or even how someone dresses. It’s how they feel on the inside. Gender identity is one’s own internal experience and perception of self.
I knew transition was going to be difficult. For me, it’s so much more than the outside appearance. It’s an emotional rebirth. I was ready and the time was now.
I moved back to Santa Barbara and started a social transition; using she/her pronouns, presenting more feminine, dressing in only women’s clothing. I was accepted with open arms and all my friends made it really easy. Before I started my medical transition, I had to tell my family. That was something I was not ready for but knew I had to before they saw all the physical changes my body was going to go through.
At this point in my life, I had come out to my family two times; once as a gay man and second as a drag queen. I knew they wouldn’t understand me being transgender and I was prepared for the worst. The worst is not accepted and disowned. That was the risk I was willing to take in order for me to be happy. I wasn’t going to live a lie anymore and was ready to be my authentic self. To my surprise, my family, a traditional and spiritual Latin family, was accepting. Though they do not understand it, they are willing to learn and respect me and accept me as their daughter.
This work has taught me that my past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me or defeated me. It has only strengthened me. I am proud of the woman I am today because I went through one heck of a time becoming her. As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better. Today, as an openly transgender professional in San Diego, I believe I have the responsibility to redirect the resources here towards the communities that need it most and use my visibility and place within this community to make things better. I am humbled enough to know I am far from perfect. Confident enough to know I can do anything I set my mind to. Even becoming the woman I always dreamt of being. My transition will always be a work in progress. My identity as transgender has been a continuous site of discovery and rediscovery, of ongoing transition since I came out.
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
While the visibility of transgender people is increasing in popular culture and daily life, we still face severe discrimination, stigma, and systemic inequality. Some of the specific issues facing the transgender community are:
-Lack of legal protection
-Poverty
-Harassment and stigma
-Anti-transgender violence (n 2018, 369 Transgender Lives Lost Worldwide, 26 Transgender Lives Lost in the United States, 71 Transgender Lives Lost in Mexico)
-Barriers to healthcare
-Identity Documents
While advocates continue working to remedy these disparities, change cannot come too soon for transgender people. Visibility – especially positive images of transgender people in the media and society – continues to make a critical difference for us; but visibility is not enough and comes with real risks to our safety, especially for those of us who are part of other marginalized communities. That is why The San Diego LGBT Community Center is committed to continuing to support and advocate for the transgender community so that the transgender community who are and will become your friends, neighbors, coworkers, and family members have an equal chance to succeed and thrive.
My personal theme is “Empowering Women Forward”. What does that mean to me? To me, it means to stop apologizing. You don’t have to say sorry for how you laugh, how you dress, how you make your hair, how you do your makeup, how you speak. You don’t have to be sorry for being yourself. Do it fearlessly. Its time to accept: this is you, and you gotta spend the rest of your life with you. So, start loving your sarcasm, your awkwardness, your weirdness, your peculiar habits, your unique sense of humor, your voice, your talents, your everything! It will make your life so much easier to simply be yourself. Trust me!
If you’re still looking for that one person who can change your life, take a look in the mirror because a woman with a vision empowers an empire of women to do more, see more and be more!
Please tell us more about your work, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
I currently work as the Transgender Services Coordinator at the San Diego LGBT Community Center. I’m responsible for the development and management of activities, programs, and services that help build and sustain the well-being of the local transgender community.
All of The Center’s programs are transgender-inclusive and supportive, and we also offer services designed specifically for the transgender community through Project TRANS, our Transgender Services Program. Project TRANS (Transgender Referrals, Assistance, Networking and Services) offers discussion groups, behavioral health services, HIV prevention services, youth services and more. In addition, the program focuses on advocacy, referrals, outreach, sensitivity training, social activities and events, workshops and networking with community agencies.
Through a partnership with USD School of Law, Project TRANS provides assistance with name and gender marker change documents. This program receives an incredible response from people in the community. Having a name that matches and validates your gender identity is so important. We have the name change clinic twice a month, on the second Tuesday and fourth Wednesday at 6:30 pm at The Center.
Why do you think those needs are so great?
Name changes are one of the most significant points in a transgender person’s life. Unlike haircuts or change of clothing style, name changes often mean that the transition is taking a deeper and more personal level. Names are powerful and they are even more so to the transgender community. Name changes are symbolic; they affirm one’s gender identity, the same way labeling one’s self as gay, lesbian, or bisexual affirms one’s sexual orientation.
What’s the most important piece of advice you could give to a young woman just starting her career?
I want every girl to know that her voice can change the world! Be as fearless as the women whose stories you have applauded. Don’t be afraid to get back up- to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. don’t let hard lessons harden your heart. life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and form the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong, is going wrong, and you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t! When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. The greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow!
Contact Info:
- Website: http://thecentersd.org
- Phone: 6196922077 x 109
- Email: DCABRERA@THECENTERSD.ORG
- Instagram: missdejare
- Facebook: missdejare
- Other: youtube.com/missdejare
Image Credit:
Nathaniel Gray, Ashleigh Taylor Henning, Tyler Renner
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