Today we’d like to introduce you to Michelle Miller.
Michelle, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
My story starts with my husband’s suicide in 2014… actually, if I’m being honest, my story starts years before his physical death with the discovery of the secret life he was living. It is very possible to mourn the living, and so that is what I did for the years leading up to the gunshot-I mourned. And then, I had to mourn his physical death, the death of our future, and the death of who my children were going to be simultaneously with the grief I still carried from his behavior leading up to the suicide.
My memories of the early years of my grief are sporadic and tainted by Vodka. Most days, it feels like I am waking up in the middle of a life I have no recollection of fighting for, but I must have because here I am living five miles from the beach with my best friend, our five children, and a dwarf bunny.
I got to this point in part because of my rage at the injustices that had been dealt with my children and I. I got here in part because of my friends. I got here in part because I am funny. I got here in part because of karaoke bars, 2 am Ubers and carne asada french fries. I got here in part because of the young widow community that took me in and told me I was a leader. And I got here in part because I was raised to reach out for help and to work my a** off.
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
My road to surviving and (mostly) thriving after my husband’s suicide (and then turning this into a career that benefits others), has not been a smooth one. I struggle with PTSD, depression, guilt, anxiety, insomnia, and self-loathing more days than not.
My advice for other women living in the aftermath of trauma is to succumb to it. Don’t fight the grief, just let it take you where it is going to take you. Cry at the post office. Yell at the cemetery. Throw a fit at the bank. Don’t be polite. Don’t give yourself a timeline to “be better.” Go ahead and succumb fully to all the sides of your grief… unless, of course, it is physically, spiritually or emotionally damaging you; if that is the case, find support.
Please tell us more about your work, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
First and foremost, I am an author. I have been writing since I had the fine motor skills necessary to hold a pencil, and I have been storytelling since I could babble. My ability to put into words what my widow experience has been, through books, blogs, and social media posts have morphed into grief coaching, and public speaking in addition to the writing.
When I started putting my brand of raw, alcohol-and-sex-laced grief out there online, I was shocked to discover how many others grieved in this unconventional (and often taboo) way. We found no solace in churches, gyms, or traditional therapy. We were all starved for something different; something that validated us deeper than a sunset meme with an inspirational quote on it could.
I use the word “f***” a lot in my work, and I’ve found that this word has been the foundation for which a lot of people springboard into a healthier way of grieving… a more honest way. I am proud to have given my readers, clients, and followers the invitation to join me at rock bottom and the permission leave it whenever they are ready. This is something I feel is lacking in other, more sanitary grief cultures. Other resources encourage the bereaved to “move on,” “get over,” and “heal,” and I’m here to say: “You just lost the love of your life, do whatever the f*** feels natural to you.”
What’s the most important piece of advice you could give to a young woman just starting her career?
Caffeine. Lots and lots of it.
Pricing:
- My books sell for 3.99-16.99
- My grief coaching services are $60/hour
Contact Info:
- Website: MouthyMichellesMusings.com
- Email: widowingIsHard@gmail.com
- Instagram: @Mouthy_Michelle
- Facebook: facebook.com/WidowingIsHard/
Image Credit:
professional solo photos (not the wedding photo) Chadford Schuld, Schuld Photography
Getting in touch: SDVoyager is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.
