Today we’d like to introduce you to Shayna Kaufmann
Hi Shayna, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstory.
My story, up until about a decade ago, was fairly traditional: graduated high school, went to college, continued into graduate school to get my doctorate in psychology, started my career as a forensic psychologist evaluating offenders in the court system (I guess that’s not so traditional:), married, bought a house, had two kids, and came full circle when we got a dog :). Yet, even with all of those boxes checked, I still felt as if something was missing in my life. My husband had been practicing meditation long before we met, so I skeptically decided to check out a local Zen Center with him. That’s when my story took a different turn. I realized that there was no box to check to fill that elusive feeling of discontent. That is, contentment was really about accepting “what is”, rather than focusing on “what’s not there” or trying to get rid of something that is there. In short order, meditation practice became a regular part of my life, as did intensive silent retreats. Then, about a decade ago, I started to confront a midlife storm of changes – I was in menopause, my parents were declining (and unbeknownst to me would both soon pass), my daughters were readying to leave the nest, and I realized that my work was no longer aligned with who I had become. I was also finding that “embracing” (i.e., being tenderly present to), rather than fighting against, all of these inevitable changes was helping me to navigate them with more grace. So embracing became my aspiration for how to go through the storm of change and eventually I started a company called Embrace the Middle (i.e., the middle representing both the middle decades and our literal middle which tends to grow with age), to help guide women on this path with me. And, here I am today, loving what I do and having recently published a book with the same name.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Of course not :). I think few of us can go through life without hitting road bumps. It’s part of the journey. And, if we do, our eyes are probably sealed shut. I had (and have) many periods when I struggled with anxiety, self-doubt, and existential questions of my purpose and value. My hardest chapter was between 2018-2021 when I lost both of my parents as well as a beloved sibling seven months after my father died. Losing my parents was deeply painful but also something that I knew would eventually happen. Unexpectedly losing my brother, when he was only 60, was heart-wrenching. And this was at the same time as COVID, when my daughters were leaving for college, and when both my dog and I needed knee surgery. It was brutal!
I learned so many valuable lessons during this chapter: 1. I experienced that staying present to my grief, anxiety, despair, etc, rather than avoiding my feelings, was the path to healing. 2. I realized that I’m so much stronger than I could ever have envisioned. 3. I learned that my family, community, nature, meditation, and prayer were all incredible resources and how fortunate I am to have them in my life. 4. I experienced viscerally that time does heal. There will always be a void of not having my parents and brother in my life, but I learned to be more present and grateful to those that are still in this world with me.
Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
My current work is all about guiding women in midlife to lean into these years with presence and compassion. We can’t control most of what happens to us. Meaning, we can make healthy choices and have a good attitude but we will still confront physical challenges, lose people we love, enter menopause, etc. We do, however, have a choice in how we choose to face these inevitable realities. And in my experience, gently accepting (i.e., embracing) them with compassion makes the ride more graceful. I also encourage women to open up to the many subtle gifts of age, that are often overlooked because the hardships can be so much more consuming and because the narrative around aging skews negatively. In my research on 619 women worldwide, women reported having more self-awareness, comfort in their skin, resilience, and more. Embracing the good and the challenging is the path that works for me and I invite women to explore it and see if it resonates. In my Embrace the Middle business, I lead workshops, meditation events, teach meditation 1:1, and speak to women’s organizations about this approach, about self-compassion, about mindfulness, about the power that can come with age if we claim it. I’ve been told that I hold a very safe and gentle space for women to authentically show up, reflect deeply, and feel a deeper connection with themselves. Because I am on the journey with my clients, and aspire to walk my talk, women feel understood, safe, and gently held. I am very proud of having made this professional pivot at 50 years old and the amazing receptivity to my book. It was a #1 Amazon bestseller out the gate, won a gold book award from the Nonfiction Authors Association, and I have been interviewed on TV about my book in three States. But more than that, I love when women tell me that my workshops, teachings, or guidance helped change their lives and lens for the better. What’s the saying? “If you help one person, you help the world?” Or something like that :). That’s the gold for me.
Where we are in life is often partly because of others. Who/what else deserves credit for how your story turned out?
A lot of people! My husband Eric has always been my number one supporter. He encourages me to persevere and follow my heart, is a great listener, and gives me honest, invaluable feedback on my work. I’ve had a number of amazing Zen teachers over the years that have helped me deepen my practice and apply mindful practices off of the cushion, into my life, where it matters the most. My daughters Tara and Maya, now 24 and 22, are amazing! They are courageous, chart their own paths, and inspire me to take risks. And, I was blown away by my tribe of friends and family who supported my book journey. Some were early readers who gave me feedback, many held book events at their homes or recommended me to speak at organizations, and tons more cheered me from the sidelines. I feel very blessed have such an incredible circle of support.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.EmbraceTheMiddle.com
- Instagram: Shayna Kaufmann, Embrace the Middle
- Facebook: Embrace the Middle
- LinkedIn: Shayna Gothard Kaufmann
- Other: Newsletter sign up: https://embracethemiddle.us17.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=8eab69036c0264e31039c60c9&id=08ea331111
