Today we’d like to introduce you to Monique Gaffney.
So, before we jump into specific questions about the business, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
Wow, this could be a REALLY long answer! I would start by saying that I’ve always felt “called” to do something big in this world; to make a great impact in some way. All the way back from five years old, to even at age 10 when I wrote a poem that even I knew was very “grown-up” for my age. My teacher wrote on the cover of my poetry book, “Excellent writings, Monique. You will be a famous author one day.” I held on to those words for the rest of my life.
I knew I was a gifted writer since then, and into high school taking the last available elective, I learned of another talent I have: an incredible eye and view in photography. So, I tucked that in my back pocket along with the writing, and kept living life.
Now it’s important to tell you about my background. From pretty much birth until I was 10, I grew up with my mom, and eventually my brother when she had him. She was a single mom, and a teen mom at that, so we definitely struggled. When I was 10, she married my step-dad (great, hard-working guy, by the way), and had my little sister. I didn’t see my real dad much aside from occasional weekend visits, but he was also a great hardworking man. Unfortunately, I wasn’t always surrounded by great men and learned this when a trusted male adult within my family took advantage of me and shifted the trajectory of my entire life in one moment when he sexually violated me at only eight years old.
Teenage years quickly went downhill – I went from an all-A’s student in elementary to being bullied and then seeking male attention through middle school and high school, earning a deserved “bad girl” reputation with very few friends and a meek outlook on life. When I was 15, I got pregnant and at 16.5 had my daughter. From that moment forward, everything shifted. I knew I had the opportunity to make a new life for us both, and I did.
I worked hard, and at 19 landed a “career without college” in the real estate industry. For 17 years, I worked my way up the corporate ladder, making nearly a 6-figure income as a single, teen mom with only a GED and zero college education. I drove fancy cars and had nice clothes and lived by the beach. But none of that could dull the pain I was holding inside from that wound that 8-year old Me was holding on to. I kept pushing it down, covering it up, hiding it.
And by all accounts, to anyone looking at me from the outside, even friends on the inside, I looked accomplished. I “had it all together”. I was a “survivor”. I was “more than a conqueror”.
I was impressed.
But it was all a facade; a picture I had built and a story I created so that no one could see the pain inside of me if they were busy oohing and aahing over my success.
I did this my entire adult life, even bringing that pain into my marriage in 2011. My husband knew what had happened to me, but I didn’t tell him I was still hurting. Even to him, I had presented “Tough Monique” that overcame these horrible things. And he bought it, just like everyone else.
In 2015, I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to start taking care of my body; my health. I began following a clean, healthy nutrition plan and working out daily. That sparked the urge to begin feeding my mind with more learning and knowledge so I started reading more and listening to as many books as I could that related to self-help and entrepreneurship. And that led me to my spiritual journey.
I began meditating – again, out of an “inner calling” – and found a meditation on YouTube. I began listening to it daily and before I knew it, I was beginning a path of healing all of the wounds I had tucked down deep inside of me my whole life. I began having “Divine Downloads”, which basically was God telling me what to do, and I began step by step, uncovering the wounds within, and healing them.
And that’s how Core Wound Healing began. And because of doing that work and seeing a radical transformation in my own life, I shifted my business from being only health-focused, to all-encompassing mind, body and spirit work, and became The Spirit Guided Coach, where I now know it is my Purpose to help women heal their Core Wounds, remember their Purpose and live their Truth.
Has it been a smooth road?
No, it absolutely has not been a smooth road! And not in the sense that many business professionals think – it wasn’t hard business-wise, but the balance between staying consistent in my OWN healing and growth WHILE growing a business AND nurturing clients…that’s the hard part.
I think the biggest mistake that entrepreneurs make, regardless of what field they are in, is that they forget about taking care of themselves first. They forget that “oxygen mask” so to speak and suddenly feel like they are failing, drowning, unbalanced, tired, anxious… the list goes on and on. They are so consumed with SUCCESS, and feeding their ego, that getting clients and making X amount of money and strategizing and the likes and the comments become the obsession, instead of the mission that they set out to accomplish and they don’t stop to take care of themselves along the way.
And that’s what I did. I suffered for success, I sacrificed my time and myself to accomplish the “goal” and everything suffered along the way, including my marriage, my patience with my kids, my belief in myself. It got to a pivotal point where I had to have a “come to Jesus” moment with myself and point-blank ask, “What is the point of all this? What are you doing this all for?” I got really honest with myself in what I was doing at that time (health and fitness coaching) and WHY (for the money), and when I allowed myself to be truthful in my What and Why, I could see that some course correction was desperately needed, or I would keep living in that up and down cycle of seeing some success, then feeling like I failed again.
My advice for any young women who are just starting out in a business or job, or contemplating taking a leap into a company or business is to have a gut-check talk with yourself FIRST. Get real honest BEFORE you make a big decision and ask if what it is you are doing/thinking of doing aligns with your values, beliefs, and mission, and then ask yourself why you want to do it? What are you chasing? Is it money? Fame/popularity? Recognition? Proof of success? If the answer is yes to any of those things, I would then say to take a time out and start digging into why you need those things to feel successful, because when we are working in our Purpose, our Mission, the very reason we are put on this earth, none of that stuff matters… but the great part is it all comes BECAUSE it doesn’t matter.
What do you do, what do you specialize in, what are you known for, etc. What are you most proud of? What sets you apart from others?
My brand is me, which is what I teach all of my clients to do – brand YOU, regardless of what you are selling. Under the YOU umbrella, you can have many different branches of things that you offer. So, I am Monique Gaffney, The Spirit Guided Coach.
It took me two solid years to identify exactly what kind of coach I am. I started out as a “life coach”, then a “business coach”, then a “life and business coach” ha!! The great thing is I knew I was in the right profession, but I allowed other coaches to influence how I did my business simply because I didn’t have experience as a life coach in this capacity before and didn’t know exactly what to do.
That’s the hint you know it’s right – it feels good, but feels like it needs a little adjusting. Kind of like trying on jeans! You know you love a certain brand of jeans and they feel really good on, but you try on 5 different pairs until you slide into the perfect fit! That’s how you find your Purpose. I knew I was in the general arena of my Purpose as a Coach, but because I followed the cookie-cutter ways of other coaches, I missed the mark a few times and put the wrong pair of jeans on. Once I owned EXACTLY what I was supposed to teach and the impact I was making with my work, my business took off.
And that special, unique thing I coach and teach is called Core Wound Healing, and it gives people the 6 Keys to heal the core wounds that have held them back their entire lives. When they begin the work and do all of the steps in exact sequence as it’s written, the life transformation is undeniably incredible. I’ve seen transformation literally right in front of my eyes.
I need to explain also that when I say “healing”, it’s not some ritual or hands-on healing or sending people vibes, although I do believe that those types of healing modalities work! This is literally a course (and soon to be book) that gives you the work to do, step by step, to heal find and heal the inner wounds deep inside that most people have been harboring, carrying and hiding for a lifetime. If I had to give a visual equation for someone to understand, I would say think of it like AA (alcoholics anonymous) and their 12 steps, but for core wounds, and only 6 Keys/steps.
The beautiful thing about this work is the moment we heal and release the things that we have allowed to hold us back, is the moment we are free to step into our Purpose work – the work that we were put here to do. We simply cannot do our Purpose work while we’re working so hard and spending all our energy to suppress our hurts and pain and show the world we’re “fine”. That’s a lot of work, right? How can we have much time or energy to do any other work if we’re doing that?
So that’s what I do. That’s what I’m known for – helping women heal their Core Wounds, remember their Purpose (we always know what it is), and step fully into their light and calling to serve the world the way they are intended to. And that’s what I’m most proud of. It’s not the money or the accolades or interviews or anything else. Those are great but there is absolutely nothing that compares to getting a message from another woman who is finally free from the lies she believed her whole life and begins pouring Purpose into the lives of others. It’s priceless.
Do you have any advice for finding a mentor or networking in general? What has worked well for you?
It’s all about the vibe, for sure! I hired my coach because her words resonated with my soul. It was one of those moments that you feel like the person is speaking to you and only you, in a room of hundreds. I knew she was the one that could guide me to begin my own Purpose work. So that’s my only advice – listen to your spirit, it knows the way. Don’t sign up with someone just because everyone else is following/doing it. You’ll save yourself a lot of time, money and heartache.
With networking, again, I’m going to say stay true to what feels good for you. I’m all about being brave and trying new things. Wanna try on some skinny jeans but decide they aren’t you? Donate them and never wear them again! Same with your business – maybe you doing most of your business online and really just don’t like in-person events, but want to give it a try. So try it. Go to a networking event. Try it on, see how it feels. If it feels good, do it again. If you hate it, never do it again and don’t feel bad about it!
The greatest gift you can give yourself in growing your business is using your Intuition and how it FEELS as your Compass. Try new things, but if it doesn’t feel good, don’t force yourself to do it again just because it works for So-and-So.
I had to do that a lot in the last 2 years. I learned I hate group coaching. I started doing it because everyone else does. And when I gut-checked myself (yet again hahaha!), I realized I don’t enjoy group coaching, and I didn’t HAVE to do it. So, I stopped doing it, began 1:1 coaching only, and increased my income 10-fold. I also realized I don’t enjoy in-person networking. It’s just not my jam, and I don’t need to feel bad about it. I enjoy doing workshops and retreats and 99% of my business comes from social media and online.
My one tip for anyone regardless of industry or how you market your business is collaboration. I’ve collaborated with lots of other coaches and teachers in workshops, summits, and courses and that is probably the most powerful and fast way to reach more people. You have someone else edifying you, helping you advertise, and access to their followers in an organic way that feels good for everyone.
Contact Info:
- Website: moniquegaffney.com
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: instagram.com/moniquegaffney
- Facebook: facebook.com/thefitunicorn
Image Credit:
Shannon Acton Photography, Deborah Whitt, Rose and Bee Photography
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